Much Ado About Marriage

The constant "gentle" reminders of how its time for me to get married have become as familiar and as omnipresent as the drone of generators in every compound. I've also learned to ignore them in the same way. What's funny is that I've been in Nigeria less than a week. I thought I'd have been allowed to settle in before the pressure began.

It started on the ride from the airport with questions about my boyfriend and where we're heading, are we gonna get married etc. The simple answer is that I don't know. I can't read his mind, I don't know how we'll feel about each other a year from now. All I know is that I love him and being with him makes me happy right now. The end. Because of his age, I'm getting advice from all angles about keeping my options open and giving other guys chances. Um no. I'm not interested thanks. I don't intend to cheat.

My priority right now is building a career. Gosh everyone has their own priorities for me, but, and this might sound silly, but I kinda think that what I want for myself is more important... But that's just me.

Even if I decided right this minute that I was ready, would I marry myself? Is there a husband store or a husband tree somewhere that I stubbornly refuse to go to? Do they fall out of heaven or am I supposed to walk around with a for sale sign?

I'm not amused at how everyone is dismissing my current relationship like its a joke because we're not at the stage they think we should be. Its like they're asking for us to elope.

And the women are worse. They'll talk to me about why I should get married right now in the same breath that they tell me how their men use and abuse them. In less than a week I've heard stories of two different men who got other women pregnant outside their matrimonial homes and their wives have to pretty much suck it up and stay dutiful and loyal. Nigerian society frowns on divorce. It doesn't matter if a man regularly beats his wife to within an inch of her life or has numerous affairs and brings home assorted stds. If the woman walks away, she's branded as worthless and the blame for the failure of the marriage is place squarely on her shoulders. The women will insult and belittle her for saving herself. I cry for my gender and the blind masochistic stupidity they show in the name of being good wives in the eyes of our society.

Fuck. That.

Oh my God! The shit Nigerian men do to their women and get away with? It makes me sick. Why would I want to rush into that hell? I'm getting less and less interested in the idea especially after finding out that a man I trusted and looked up to was cheating on his wife. That discovery almost physically crushed me. He was supposed to be a good man. If he could fall like this, who the hell can I trust?

Marriage is not the be all and end all. If I want kids, I can adopt, go to a sperm bank or fuck a guy and get prego. Easy!

All this is not to say that I won't get married one day... I might... I dunno, but abeg e don do! I neva redi, mek una leame jo!!
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