1. Do not have a fancy foreign accent. That is just the opposite of a discount code in Nigeria. As soon as you open your mouth, the price of everything triples.
2. Speak a local language, failing that, speak pidgin. But try not to let your pesky oyinbo accent show.
These are the two main rules but here's more based on experiences I've had.
1. If your oyinbo accent is strong and you can't speak pidgin or a local language (I started learning Yoruba as soon as I arrived in Lagos) then find someone to go with. Let the person do all the talking and keep your mouth shut. Seriously, don't speak. Stand there and look pretty... But not too pretty cos that will give you away. Look a bit rough at least. And look mean. If you must speak, whisper in your companion's ear mafia don style.
2. Don't convert the prices of what you're buying into pounds, dollars, euros or whatever and think to yourself "oh that's cheap". That's how I ended up paying N1,600 for a few passport photographs. It's not cheap oh!!! They will suave you! Just assume everything in Nigeria is cheaper as standard.
3. Be sure to examine the products you want to buy minutely before walking off with it. Dey no dey do returns or exchange for Naija oh! When you buy stuff abroad, in most cases you can be assured of its quality. But in Naija, you have to be careful. Check what you're buying right in the store before handing over money and walking away with it.
4. Attitude is everything. Act like you don't really need the thing you're buying and you're only shopping out of boredom. Be prepared to walk away if need be. More often than not, they will call you back and give you the price you want... They'd probably even have accepted less but too late now.
5. If they give in too easily, be suspicious. Yesterday I thought I'd gotten a good deal on some fruits and was congratulating myself on my bad ass negotiating skills, but I got home to find out that the watermelon was unripe and the pineapple was over ripe *insert BB angry face*. That kinda screwed up the fruit salad I was gonna make for my dad. Good thing he likes pineapples.
6. The basic rule of negotiation is this: take the price you've been given, halve it and then keep adding more until you meet in the middle. I recommend going even lower than half. I tried my luck yesterday when I went shopping for jewellery supplies. Some of the items I purchased were priced at N500 each. I said I'd pay N100, the lady said hell no N300 last, so I threw in some of the yoruba words I know and was about to do my bad ass walking away move... When I got called back and we settled on N150 *bad ass*. The fact that I didn't really need the stuff is not the point. I am a bad ass negotiator is the point.
7. Do not go shopping with a guy. Just don't. Sure they're great pack animals and all but.. They whine! They bloody whine! They don't understand the intricate art of negotiating till we're blue in the face. They believe in silly things like paying full price just for convenience. They just have so much to learn. Leave them in the car with a video game and a juice box and they'll be perfectly happy.
8. Nigerian adverts lie. Blatantly! Nigerian products lie too. There's so much lying everywhere I don't know how we stand it. Look at the picture of the biscuits above. Study the name and description : Butterbread All Butter Shortbread. Now this creates images of crumbly buttery goodness. Right? Wrong! The fact that it only cost N50 should have tipped me off. But I went for it anyway. Then I read the ingredient list. There was no butter anywhere! Well there was "butter flavor" on the list. It doesn't matter. I still felt used and betrayed. I have never gotten over that.
9. If you are female, you will probably get stalked through the market. I didn't understand why politeness was a bad thing until Z came and showed me how to bad assedly chase off a perching would be suitor and still maintain your fly. I went to a market in Ifako with Z to get food stuffs. My first time going without a veteran. I'd been with my aunt before so I had an idea of the prices to pay. So we were jejely doing our thing when we realised we were under scrutiny. I assumed my gorgeous dreadlocked and tattooed friend was the subject of attention. But no. It was me. Shit. Long story short, dude came over and asked for my number, I said no politely. But he followed us all over anyway till Z shooed him. "She said she's not interested, leave us alone!"
I'm a busy bee these days, so much to get done including Oste Accessories orders to fill and other new businesses being set up. There are not enough hours in my day! I love it =D
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.
1 comments:
Some of that got me laughing, very real.
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