Chaotic Order

Married is the New Single

2011-12-05T18:29:00.000Z

They're everywhere, in your church, your office, your school, your supermarket and your nightclub and they are very much very much on the prowl. I'm talking about the new breed of single and searching men in Lagos- the married men!

Yes oh, you definitely read right. One thing that struck me about Lagos is the dearth of single men about. They're either in a relationship, engaged or married. In fact I'm so used to it now that if I meet an eligible single guy, I automatically assume there is something wrong with him which is why he is single… though he'll definitely be in a relationship before I can blink.

Now in the place I work, there are so many beautiful single women who are passing or have passed their "sell by date." There are many schools of thought as to why these women are still single: they have bad attitudes, they make too much money, they're too assertive etc. On the flip side, almost all the men are married by the time they are 32, even with the aforementioned characteristics. It doesn't matter what they look like or what kind of personality they have, they will find a wife with relative ease. It's like a lot of women will take whatever they can get as long as it means they will be Mrs Whatever… but that's a (one-sided) discussion for another day.

Based on the experiences I've had since I moved back, I truly believe that the men in Lagos, have absolutely no regard for marriage. The ease with which they cheat, openly and without fear, astounds me. Even the women here justify and enable their actions. It's an appalling situation. *side eye, smh, facepalm etc*

I'd say 80% of the guys that have hit on me since I've been back have been married or on the verge of getting married. They tell me how much they love their wives/girlfriends and then ask me out in the same breath. It's not just men who have been married for years that are guilty of this. Newly weds (I'm talking got married an hour ago kinda new) and about to weds are hunting. They are hunting! Why is it that they are not satisfied with just one woman? This town ohhhhh…

One also has to remember that if these men cheat, they will lie (though most are open about their marital status), so checking for a ring or asking if they are married may not always cover you. It is important to tread very carefully.

I believe that this situation is caused by the fact that Nigerians are always in a hurry. To drive, to give opinions, to take advantage, to get married. Everything na hurry hurry gra gra… Because they want to be big boys (let's face it, having a wife for a lot of men is a status thing more than a love thing or due to familial pressure) they rush into marriage with women they don't particularly like. They're also still quite emotionally immature when they take the plunge… but I'm not a psychologist so don't quote me on that.

I'm sick of it. Of being hit on by men who have promised to love and obey. Who have pledged fidelity to their partners, who have promised honesty and dedication… KMFT. All you girls that get swept up in affairs with married men and are dazzled by the gifts and attention they lavish on you, remember that divorce is still a fairly rare occurrence in Nigeria and it is highly unlikely that he will leave his wife for you. Even if he does, you can expect him to cheat on you too.

After the experiences I've had (some of which I will blog about in another post), I'm starting to feel like maybe not getting married is not the end of the world. I don't want to be one of those women who settles because she's getting old or because of societal pressure. Wouldn't it be better to be alone than to be unhappy in a loveless marriage with 5 kids?

Bargaining in Lagos 101/ Market Shopping

2011-10-09T09:49:00.000+01:00

If like me, you're not used to going to markets without the word "super" in front of their names, then you will need this guide in order to survive. The two cardinal rules of bargaining in Lagos are:

1. Do not have a fancy foreign accent. That is just the opposite of a discount code in Nigeria. As soon as you open your mouth, the price of everything triples.

2. Speak a local language, failing that, speak pidgin. But try not to let your pesky oyinbo accent show.

These are the two main rules but here's more based on experiences I've had.

1. If your oyinbo accent is strong and you can't speak pidgin or a local language (I started learning Yoruba as soon as I arrived in Lagos) then find someone to go with. Let the person do all the talking and keep your mouth shut. Seriously, don't speak. Stand there and look pretty... But not too pretty cos that will give you away. Look a bit rough at least. And look mean. If you must speak, whisper in your companion's ear mafia don style.

2. Don't convert the prices of what you're buying into pounds, dollars, euros or whatever and think to yourself "oh that's cheap". That's how I ended up paying N1,600 for a few passport photographs. It's not cheap oh!!! They will suave you! Just assume everything in Nigeria is cheaper as standard.

3. Be sure to examine the products you want to buy minutely before walking off with it. Dey no dey do returns or exchange for Naija oh! When you buy stuff abroad, in most cases you can be assured of its quality. But in Naija, you have to be careful. Check what you're buying right in the store before handing over money and walking away with it.

4. Attitude is everything. Act like you don't really need the thing you're buying and you're only shopping out of boredom. Be prepared to walk away if need be. More often than not, they will call you back and give you the price you want... They'd probably even have accepted less but too late now.

5. If they give in too easily, be suspicious. Yesterday I thought I'd gotten a good deal on some fruits and was congratulating myself on my bad ass negotiating skills, but I got home to find out that the watermelon was unripe and the pineapple was over ripe *insert BB angry face*. That kinda screwed up the fruit salad I was gonna make for my dad. Good thing he likes pineapples.

6. The basic rule of negotiation is this: take the price you've been given, halve it and then keep adding more until you meet in the middle. I recommend going even lower than half. I tried my luck yesterday when I went shopping for jewellery supplies. Some of the items I purchased were priced at N500 each. I said I'd pay N100, the lady said hell no N300 last, so I threw in some of the yoruba words I know and was about to do my bad ass walking away move... When I got called back and we settled on N150 *bad ass*. The fact that I didn't really need the stuff is not the point. I am a bad ass negotiator is the point.

7. Do not go shopping with a guy. Just don't. Sure they're great pack animals and all but.. They whine! They bloody whine! They don't understand the intricate art of negotiating till we're blue in the face. They believe in silly things like paying full price just for convenience. They just have so much to learn. Leave them in the car with a video game and a juice box and they'll be perfectly happy.

8. Nigerian adverts lie. Blatantly! Nigerian products lie too. There's so much lying everywhere I don't know how we stand it. Look at the picture of the biscuits above. Study the name and description : Butterbread All Butter Shortbread. Now this creates images of crumbly buttery goodness. Right? Wrong! The fact that it only cost N50 should have tipped me off. But I went for it anyway. Then I read the ingredient list. There was no butter anywhere! Well there was "butter flavor" on the list. It doesn't matter. I still felt used and betrayed. I have never gotten over that.

9. If you are female, you will probably get stalked through the market. I didn't understand why politeness was a bad thing until Z came and showed me how to bad assedly chase off a perching would be suitor and still maintain your fly. I went to a market in Ifako with Z to get food stuffs. My first time going without a veteran. I'd been with my aunt before so I had an idea of the prices to pay. So we were jejely doing our thing when we realised we were under scrutiny. I assumed my gorgeous dreadlocked and tattooed friend was the subject of attention. But no. It was me. Shit. Long story short, dude came over and asked for my number, I said no politely. But he followed us all over anyway till Z shooed him. "She said she's not interested, leave us alone!"

I'm a busy bee these days, so much to get done including Oste Accessories orders to fill and other new businesses being set up. There are not enough hours in my day! I love it =D
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

To My BFF

2011-10-05T17:01:00.000+01:00

Just a few things that will forever remind me of you.

1. Stef- Technically you're her daddy since you were largely the inspiration behind me having her in the first place, so this makes you my baby daddy. So when we fight, does it mean you're having baby momma drama?

2. Kilishi- I have gorged myself on the stuff in the past few days… the real stuff from the north not the plastic kind we had to settle for while you were here. Not quite the same eating it without you. I remember the days we sat in bed and got kilishi crumbs everywhere. I had kilishi and Oreos for breakfast yesterday. My stomach got very angry with me later, but the fact is, I will defy said stomach for this combination of deliciousness any day. By the way I'm low on Oreos and I need a top-up *subtle hint*.

3. Nutri-C- I really don't need to say any more do I?

4. Special Brand- *sniggers*

5. Cats- Yuck! You're weird, but you're definitely the sexiest oddest cat person I know. And you don't smell weird. Which rocks.

6. Clumps of hair- Yeah you left those all over my bathroom… If I decided to make a Zara voodoo doll one day…. Just saying.

7. Sideshow Bob- Remember when you had a big red fluffy fro? Now you have those… those….

8. Let it happen bro- *sniggers*

9. Security Men- Remember the one at Shoprite? *falls on the floor laughing*

10. Flan and peas- You really are gross, forcing me to eat veggies… yuck yuck yuck!

11. Tattoos- I took your tattoo virginity but now you're a tattoo whore! How dare you leave me behind…

12. Drinking Glasses- I'm still cleaning up bits of glass and I everytime I think of you, I hide the ones in my line of sight. Lovingly. I hide them lovingly. No really I do.

13. Pouches- If you were a kangaroo I would so live in your pouch.

14. Stupidity- Not cos you're stupid (no really) but cos you always know just the right reaction to stupid.

15. Skype- Remember the marathon transatlantic skype sessions we used to have? The ones that made our sig.oths jealous?

16. Laughter- Nobody makes me laugh harder than you. You stoopid.

17. Dancing- Child but you can move! Making all those guys wish you were checking for them….

18. Purple- For the life of me, I can't remember your favourite colour. But this is mine and I command you to like it too.

19. Bloggie- Our first child… dude we so don't need the cats, we've got enough children already. Crooks would make a nice shish kabob and Jags would be wonderful in a casserole… *digs out recipe book*

20. Children- *reaches for recipe book again*

These are only some of the things that make me think of you and I miss you so much. Damn this pesky puddle between us Λ
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

Driving in Lagos

2011-10-04T15:37:00.000+01:00

….. is hazardous to your health. It causes wrinkles, bad language and heart palpitations.

I'm not kidding… shoot even walking on the streets can get you killed.

If you wanna be a fool anyway and get behind the wheel of a car in Lagos, here are a few things you should know and/or do:

1. Pack a picnic and lots of water if you're planning to go anywhere between 6am and 10pm on a work day and some weekends because it doesn't matter where you're going or how far away it is. You're in Lagos. There will be traffic. As sure as Nigerian food seems to always have sand in it. Leave at least 3 hours early if possible ( I work 30 minutes away from where I live and I have to leave before 6am to get to work by 8am).

2. Make friends with your horn. Get comfortable with it. Meet its family and room mates and fall in love with it and take it to bed because you will be fondling that baby a lot… making love to it in the heat of passion…. Loud passionate love accompanied by guttural declarations of…. Ahem. Well you get my point. Also practice your hand gestures… the rude ones. Embrace road rage.

3. Do not drive a shiny new car if you mind getting dents and scratches on it. Cos it will happen. You don't even have to be driving for your car to get hit.

4. In other countries, you can get away with just focusing on the car in front of you while driving… but if you try that nonsense here… hehhh heehhhhh… If you plan to drive in Lagos, develop eyes on the sides and back of your head. Shoot, if you can squeeze a pair on top, go for it. You have to keep your eyes on the car in front of you, the ones beside you, the cars adjacent to you, the one behind you and the okada that will come from nowhere in 3, 2, 1…

5. If you are going to knock down an okada be sure… and I repeat…. Be absolutely sure that you get it right the first time (and that there are no unsympathetic witnesses). If you're not in a brutal mood (but trust me, an hour in Lagos traffic and you will cheerfully murder the next LASTMA official that you see) you can settle for just splashing them. High points if you're able to totally drench them and send me a picture cos I'm probably stuck in traffic right now and need cheering up.

6. Okadas are the mosquitoes of the road. Fact.

7. Road signs and signals are there for decoration. No one obeys them. I saw a stop sign the other day and my friends and I burst out laughing…. I also laughed at the recycling bins I saw in Onikan, but that's by the way. Do stop at traffic lights though. The traffic officers will come after you for a bribe quicker than you can say "…" If you've got tinted windows on your car you better be rich or have a high ranking officer on your payroll because otherwise, you will be funding some officers' drinking habits and even paying school fees for them. My friend that had to drop 12k one night (and still has tinted windows btw… clever boy) will tell you.

8. Very few people use their signals or "trafficators". Using those in Lagos is like telling the people in the lane you want to enter to speed up and bar your way please. So most people don't bother. My friends yell at me when I actually slow down to let people in. Apparently I'm silly for wanting to retain my civility. Oh well… live and learn. Being female sometimes gives you an advantage if you smile prettily at the guys to let you in. They might stalk you after that and demand your number in return but hey…

9. It is never anyone's fault when someone hits your car. Even if the other car was coming down the wrong way and hit your parked car, reversed and hit it again… it's not his fault. Nooo….

10. If your car breaks down on a deserted road or on third mainland bridge at night… or even during the day and you don't have a tow truck in your pocket and/or you're alone in the car, throw the keys away from you and run. Very far and very fast.

11. If you use your blackberry in your car in slow moving traffic, you'll notice that the hawkers suddenly pay you extra attention and are extra anxious to show you their wares. If your window happens to be down while this is happening, you may find a gun pointed at your head and a polite agbero motioning for you to hand it over. The leds of fancy phones attract them.

12. You can buy anything in traffic. Anything! From cleaning supplies, to puppies to mail order brides. I know people that have furnished entire houses using stuff they bought in traffic.

13. A two lane road can and will become a six lane road at many points during the day. The chances of you leaving these situations with your side mirrors intact are quite slim. A one way road…. Meh… I don't think I need to say more. Drivers will move out of their lane and into your lane (going the wrong way) to avoid a pothole.

14. LASTMA officials cause more accidents than potholes and drunk drivers combined. FACT!

15. Lagosians drink and drive like it's going out of style.

If after everything you've read you still want to drive in Lagos, then my advice is to get a very big all-terrain vehicle with a massive grille. And you must believe that all the other drivers are insane. Because they are.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

No fair!

2011-03-08T06:29:00.000Z

So I'm on my way to the small brother of hell this morning and my brother is jetting off to Spain. Life just isn't fair oh!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.

Can You Feel The Heat?

2011-03-08T06:27:00.000Z

The past week has been nuts to say the least. From my driving experiences in lagos to shitty Blackberry service (Airtel I'm looking at you) to preparing for youth service. Just crazy crazy crazy...

Its early in the morning here and I no get ginger to write everything but I'll slip in updates here and there.

I'm presently on way to concentra... I mean orientation camp and I'm mostly too sleepy to feel excited or even scared. I'm sure that will come later... There will be a lot of issues to deal with such as lack of privacy, unhygienic facilities... Etc. People say that its a bit like boarding school. Well I went to a private boarding school so I'm pretty sure it won't be the same. I've been struggling to find experiences in my past to compare what I'm about to embark on to but so far everything just seems like decadent luxury in comparison... EVEN my boarding school days.

Now let's talk about what's been going on till now (I'm stuck in lagos traffic already so that's kind of jarred me awake). We'll start with my blackberry. As you probably know, it has been my lifeblood here. I've no internet, my lappy is still in obodo oyibo, haven't met too many people yet and I don't like tv. So my sole source of entertainment has been my blackberry... And a book occasionally (I'm reading chronicles of Narnia. Yes I'm deep). So anyway, when I first landed in Naija, I started using the Glo network. They are notorious for poor service so I only purchased a week's worth of BIS thinking I would switch once I got to Lagos. Well that was all fine and dandy. Then I got to Lagos and asked around for the best network. I was told Airtel. Great. So I got an Airtel sim, topped up with 3k worth of credit and then got the service activated (before that I had to jump through hoops to get my sim registered before I could use it. They are so serious about that here oh. They take fingerprints, address, mother's maiden name etc...)

So anyway I registered my sim, paid for service and readied my fingers for some copious bbming... But alas... It was not to be. The damn thing refused to work. Nary a bbm or whatsapp or even facebook message could I send. Imagine my despair. So I began frantically dialling customer service. If you've ever tried to reach any customer service in Nigeria you know what an ordeal that can be...

Anyway.

I finally reached the people and I wanted to get to the bottom of my bb issues. They asked the usual inane questions. Have you registered, did you pay 3k? Etc... Then they said oh can we look into this further? Then basically bid me get the fuck out. A few minutes later I got a text saying that they were looking into my issue and I will get a notification once it is resolved. The next day I got a text saying issue resolved. I reset my bb six times!!! But still no joy. I went to a service center and was told bb service was down. So that was day 3 without bb. I asked if I would get extra days because of the lack of service and I was told no. Imagine! Anyway after nearly a week without service, I quietly went back to glo and bought a month's worth. I just lost 3k for nothing. E no go better for them kmt! Mehhh dis tori don too long sef.

I'm gonna go take what will probably be the last peaceful nap I have for three weeks.

I'll be back soon with the story of my driving experience :)
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.

Doesn't Feel Like Home

2011-03-01T18:15:00.001Z

I'm in Lagos now. I thought I would be excited but I'm just kinda blah. My house is empty of people and it just feels miserable. I miss my siblings. As much as they annoyed me they made my house feel lived in and filled it with laughter. Now it feels like... I dunno. A disused museum maybe.

I can't wait to start work, and I hope that I'll come home too tired every night to feel lonely.

It's been a rather unpleasant day all round, from finding out my boyfriend has again postponed his plans to return home to not getting the hairstyle I wanted and not being able to find anything I needed at the supermarket. Today brought home for me just how tough this year is going to be.

I'm not regretting my decision to return... It just doesn't feel like home yet.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.

Night Time

2011-02-25T13:06:00.001Z

I decided to check out Abuja night life yesterday and ended up at a club called Play. I had a blast. The music was decent, it was packed but not too packed and there wasn't a lot of the fronting and showing off that we see in Lagos clubs. I can't say much about the decor cos I was otherwise occupied and didn't really look around, but it wasn't a large club. Also can I just say that Abuja people are fine? Guys and girls, just so much eye candy everywhere and everyone was there to have fun, not just stand around looking fine. The fashion on display ranged from totally decked out to quite casual but no one looked out of place.

It was bring your own booze night at the club. That concept is unheard of to me. You bring your own booze and there's no cover charge. They also give you ice and cups. You can buy drinks at the bar too if you run out or decide not to bring yours. Pretty cool right?

The highlight of the night for me was probably getting recognised by an LITK fan. Well she recognised my hair lol. Also got a lot of compliments on my hair and had an "I love your hair" moment with a loc'd natural at the club. Met some really nice people too.

There were some reps from a modelling agency handing out flyers at the club. The flyer said that an application to join the agency cost NGN3500. Now that isn't a huge amount of money but I thought agencies get paid by taking their cut from you earnings and not by asking you for money? Hmmm...

All in all I had a much better clubbing experience than I've had in a while and I would recommend thursday nights at Play to anyone. Don't forget to bring your booze!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.

Much Ado About Marriage

2011-02-23T20:35:00.001Z

The constant "gentle" reminders of how its time for me to get married have become as familiar and as omnipresent as the drone of generators in every compound. I've also learned to ignore them in the same way. What's funny is that I've been in Nigeria less than a week. I thought I'd have been allowed to settle in before the pressure began.

It started on the ride from the airport with questions about my boyfriend and where we're heading, are we gonna get married etc. The simple answer is that I don't know. I can't read his mind, I don't know how we'll feel about each other a year from now. All I know is that I love him and being with him makes me happy right now. The end. Because of his age, I'm getting advice from all angles about keeping my options open and giving other guys chances. Um no. I'm not interested thanks. I don't intend to cheat.

My priority right now is building a career. Gosh everyone has their own priorities for me, but, and this might sound silly, but I kinda think that what I want for myself is more important... But that's just me.

Even if I decided right this minute that I was ready, would I marry myself? Is there a husband store or a husband tree somewhere that I stubbornly refuse to go to? Do they fall out of heaven or am I supposed to walk around with a for sale sign?

I'm not amused at how everyone is dismissing my current relationship like its a joke because we're not at the stage they think we should be. Its like they're asking for us to elope.

And the women are worse. They'll talk to me about why I should get married right now in the same breath that they tell me how their men use and abuse them. In less than a week I've heard stories of two different men who got other women pregnant outside their matrimonial homes and their wives have to pretty much suck it up and stay dutiful and loyal. Nigerian society frowns on divorce. It doesn't matter if a man regularly beats his wife to within an inch of her life or has numerous affairs and brings home assorted stds. If the woman walks away, she's branded as worthless and the blame for the failure of the marriage is place squarely on her shoulders. The women will insult and belittle her for saving herself. I cry for my gender and the blind masochistic stupidity they show in the name of being good wives in the eyes of our society.

Fuck. That.

Oh my God! The shit Nigerian men do to their women and get away with? It makes me sick. Why would I want to rush into that hell? I'm getting less and less interested in the idea especially after finding out that a man I trusted and looked up to was cheating on his wife. That discovery almost physically crushed me. He was supposed to be a good man. If he could fall like this, who the hell can I trust?

Marriage is not the be all and end all. If I want kids, I can adopt, go to a sperm bank or fuck a guy and get prego. Easy!

All this is not to say that I won't get married one day... I might... I dunno, but abeg e don do! I neva redi, mek una leame jo!!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.

A New Perspective

2011-02-23T15:27:00.001Z

I recently decided to take the plunge and return home to do my service year. I got tired of being unemployed so Oste accessories and I packed up and headed to Nigeria in search of greener pastures. It's usually the other way around right?

So anyhoo, my first stop was Abuja. I've been here for a few days now. I keep making comparisons with Lagos and so far Abuja kicks Lagos's ass in the areas of cleanliness and order. However, I thrive in chaos so I'm longing to return to Lagos.

I registered for the NYSC yesterday. It wasn't quite the agonizing experience I thought it would be. I blame Otondo blogger for freaking me out with his account of his experience. It was straightforward and the staff was quite friendly and laid back (except the lady in room 2. She was so in a pissy mood) and it didn't take long, even though I had a few missing documents. I did have to get an affidavit for the missing items but that was also easy and the court was right across the street from the secretariat. I had help all over the place so I guess that made it easier.

I've only been in Nigeria two days so I'm still enjoying the feeling of being brand new and being babied and spoiled by everyone. They like to assume I'm soft and I've forgotten how to be Nigerian so I enjoy shocking them by busting out naija dance moves, speaking pidgin or belting out the lyrics of current local hits. They also jump when they hear my "jargo" ringtone lol. I know the brand new feeling will wear off soon and I'll be tossed into real life and the truth is... I can't bloody wait!

I tried nkwobi for the first time yesterday and I'm looking forward to trying ofada rice. Anyone know a good joint in Abuja? I was taken to this outdoor bar called Diamond last night. It was fantastic. I drank star lol. I'll never be a beer drinker but I'd like to try most things once.

I have no idea where I'll be posted for camp... I'm not showering outside... That's all I'm saying.

So far I'm feeling Abuja and I can see myself settling here one day. But for now my young soul craves the disaster that is Lagos.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.

Fragmented...

2011-01-16T18:05:00.002Z

What's New?

2010-11-18T08:55:00.000Z

Hi y'all...

Coming at you today in a completely different frame of mind than the last time we spoke. I'm typing this post on my blackberry so I have no idea how it'll turn out. First time doing a post via email so fingers crossed!

So as you know, I've been working on my accessories business and it's been pretty good so far. I've been getting lots of orders even though my store isn't open yet. It's a little overwhelming but exciting at the same time. I created some custom pieces for a client yesterday and I'm pretty pleased with the results. I made her a necklace, earring and bangle set. Also peep the cocktail ring. It's def my favourite thing. I'm including pics but I have no idea if they'll be above or below this post. If you want something made, get at me. I'm getting some new ankara prints in the next couple of weeks :)

I'm at the airport now on my way to scotland for my grad and they're calling us to board so I'll talk to you guys soon ;)
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Blahhhh

2010-10-18T23:00:00.003+01:00

I've been feeling kinda helpless and useless lately. I completed my masters about a month and a half ago and I've been home since. I live in the most depressing, bleak town ever and that, and the fact that I'm jobless is taking a toll on me mentally, physically, emotionally...

First of all the job hunting process. I haven't been doing it very long, but it's been frustrating. Putting your heart into crafting a resume, cover letter, selling yourself then getting that polite response: "While your qualifications are excellent..." blah!

I live in a country where experience is prized over qualifications and it's a recession so there are even fewer jobs. So I've been sitting at home for weeks with not a lot to do... you know how you just feel so bored and listless that you don't even wanna do anything?

I've even begun to envy my siblings because they get to wake up ass early and go to school everyday.

On the plus side, I've gotten closer to my mum and we don't fight anymore. I've discovered she's actually quite fun and up to date.

Meh.

So I've decided to return to Nigeria. I'm so excited about that. I'm even looking forward to doing my NYSC... I just wanna start my life, get a job and be busy and settled.

In the meantime to keep myself busy, I've re-devoted myself to my accessories business

and taken up crochet. I'm actually not bad. I've made beanies for everyone and I'm currently making a Ghana-themed blanket for my boyfriend. And I'm currently obsessed with cupcakes... been baking them every week (spot the cupcake in the picture below...). I might have gained a pound or two... or 15.

Not bad huh? Once I finish this I'm making a baby blanket. Btw I'm taking orders.

Now please check out my site and order stuff so I have something to do =D

I also invented two new potato recipes

My sis wants to sell her converses, so if anyone's interested, holla! They were too big for her so she hardly wore them. They're a US women's size 10 or 11

This is why I don't blog... nothing interesting happens... that I can talk about without being anonymous.

It's So Weird...

2010-10-18T22:09:00.000+01:00

I'm sitting in my room. On my bed. In one spot.

I'm not moving. I'm so restless. I'm moving but I can't move. I'm bursting with energy but have nothing to expend it on. I... I don't know what to do with myself.

I want to run, I want to dance and jump six feet in the air. I want to scream till my voice gives out. I want to write. I want to sing. I want to wear nice clothes and pose for magazines. I want to know who I am and what I want. I want to laugh and mean it. I want to do what I need to do.

Music doesn't please me anymore, food is just a temporary plug for the gap within... there is no pleasure... no pleasure...

I want to, have to, need to... move.

But the futility... the nothingness of it all weighs on me so heavily. I can't move.

I'm thinking about getting a new tattoo...

2010-08-05T15:54:00.000+01:00

I can't decide between this:

This is the chinese zodiac symbol for the Rabbit. It represents my birth year.

And this:

It's a semi quaver and fits in with the other music related tattoos I have.
On my wrist or on my shoulder blade?... I guess I need to hold off for a while... Can't even decide where I wanna get it...

My Bread and Butter Pudding Recipe

2010-08-05T15:40:00.001+01:00

[source]

I don't like raisins or sultanas so I created a modified version of bread and butter pudding that suited my tastes. I make it at least once a week. I love it. I also never measure when I cook so the measurements are just approximations. I substituted the cream in other recipes for yoghurt. I'd finished eating the pudding before I realised I hadn't taken pictures... O_o I'll borrow some from the web... oh well....

Ingredients
8 slices of bread
Butter
4 eggs
A pint of milk
A cup of caster sugar (adjust for taste)
125g pot of fruit flavoured yoghurt
2 tsp Cinnamon
1 tsp Vanilla Essence

Preheat oven to 190C. Grease a 1.2 litre baking pan with butter.
Butter each slice of bread on one side then cut each slice into two diagonally or vertically.
In a mixing bowl, whisk the eggs then add the yoghurt, milk and sugar. Lastly, add the cinnamon and vanilla essence. Whisk till well mixed.
Make a layer on the bottom of the pan with half of the bread, butter side down. Pour on some of the milk mixture. Layer the rest of the bread on top, butter side down and pour the rest of the milk mixture over it. Let the bread absorb the mixture for a few minutes.
Pop the pan in the oven and bake for about 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the middle of the pan comes out clean.

Serve warm with custard or icecream.

Tips:
Use whatever bread you like, but I prefer unsliced agege bread. You can get it at most African stores in the States and the UK. You can also use banana bread, brioche, french bread, croissants etc. I even tried it with plain scones once. Yum!! For a savoury version, omit the sugar and fruit yoghurt and add spices and seasoning and some veg to the mix. Another thing to try is jam. Butter all the slices, but put jam on the other side of half the slices. Make sure those slices go on the bottom of the pan and the jam side is facing up.

Hope you guys try this and like it. :)

Off to go get another tattoo!!

For all Family Guy (Stewie) Fans

2010-07-30T18:19:00.003+01:00

Stewie lyrics

Stewie Music Video Video - Stewie Music Videos

Music Videos by VideoCure

Day 12- The Person You hate most

2010-07-12T19:52:00.000+01:00

Dear Bitch,

I don't generally hate people, but I dislike you more than anything else. You pretended to be my friend and went behind my back and stole something precious to me. You're probably the reason I don't like girls. I half hope you get horribly disfigured and half hope you find Jesus.

Me

Day 11- A deceased person you wish you could speak to

2010-07-12T19:50:00.001+01:00

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

Thank you for the awesome genes you gave me.

Imaguero.

Day 10- Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to

2010-07-12T19:49:00.000+01:00

Meesh,

We used to be best buddies. What happened to us?

'Fe

Day 9- Someone I Wish I could Meet

2010-07-09T20:42:00.000+01:00

Dear Will Smith,

I would marry you if your ears weren't so big and you weren't so old and if you were African.

Yup.

Day 8- My Favourite Internet Friend

2010-07-09T20:40:00.003+01:00

Deej Boo,

You rock. Thanks for sharing all those interesting things with me and being my friend.

Oofnoodles

Day 7- My ex

2010-07-09T20:39:00.002+01:00

Dude,

You screwed me up pretty badly, but I moved on and got completely over you. Yay me!!

Fizz

Day 6- A Stranger

2010-07-06T14:15:00.000+01:00

Dear Stranger,

I'm awesome. You should get to know me, your life will be better for it.

Part 2
Dear Crush,

You are so strange to me these days. You're a complete stranger but I miss you and I hope we'll get back to being us again soon. <3

Me

Day 5- My Dreams

2010-07-06T14:13:00.001+01:00

Dear Dreams,

Quit haunting me. I will achieve you when I'm good and ready.

Me

Day 4- My Siblings

2010-07-04T19:25:00.001+01:00

Monkey, Lil B, Fluffy and Chewy,

You guys are my favourite people in the whole world. You make me laugh harder than anyone and tease me so that I always stay grounded. I love you guys more than you'll ever know.

Love,
Sticky.

Day 3- My Parents

2010-07-03T20:12:00.002+01:00

Dear Momma and Daddy,

You guys are just... just great. Give it up for my folks people *applause* Keep up the good work.

Me

Day 2- My Crush

2010-07-02T23:07:00.002+01:00

Babykins,

You know who you are and you know how I feel about you. I alternately wanna pound you into the ground or hug you till you pop. You're a big part of my life now and I thank God for you everyday. When we first met, I didn't think I would like you, much less...

You're stubborn as fuck and you make me so mad I wanna reach for the bat, but then you make me even happier and you have the most amazing smile.

And when you... with... to... sweet... burrito... noodles. I got hungry half way through pretending to write something racy. Eeehhh. *wanders off to eat*

Later,
Keme

Day 1- My Bestfriend

2010-07-02T22:48:00.004+01:00

Booby,

I'm suffering from wicked writers' block so I'mma make this short.
If Awesome and his twin sister Awesomette had an incestuous relationship and had a kid, that mildly retarded but totally awesome offspring would be you. I love you from the heart of my bottom. I love that I can be totally me with totally you. My deliciously nutty cupcake, j'adore...

Yours in ridiculous back of head... ness,
Fizz.

I've been bad...

2010-04-16T12:27:00.003+01:00

I can't believe I haven't been here in two months. OMG.

What's been going on?

I don't even know. I blame it on grad school and the buttload of work we have to keep from being buried under.

There've been a lot of changes in my life, some of which I can't really talk about yet but don't worry it's all good. I'm happy.

I opened my store back in February so go check it out if you haven't already and let me know what you think.

I'll try to get back to updating frequently. If anybody was disappointed by my absence (I doubt it lol) I'm really sorry.

I've got a visit with a plastic surgeon today to talk about my keloids. Haven't decided if I want to get them surgically removed or not. Hmmm... well I'll keep you guys posted.

xxx

Sometimes...

2010-02-16T13:09:00.008Z

Sometimes you have to stand on your own feet and stop taking others for granted.

Stop assuming they will always be there or do things for you without you having to ask just because you do.

Stop assuming that people will treat you as you treat them or be as considerate of you as you are of them.

Stop assuming that because you are always thinking of them and ways to make their lives better, they're thinking of you too.

Stop assuming they are loyal or that they'll always stand by you.

Stop assuming you can't be strong without them.

Stop assuming you need them or that they need you.

Stop letting them take you for granted and stop interfering.

If they need your help, they'll ask right? 'Cos you sure as hell have to ask when you need something.

Don't anticipate their needs cos they don't give a damn about yours.

Get your own life and don't let yours revolve around theirs.

You don't need them to hold your hand through anything.

Loyalty is fickle but self-love is a beautiful thing.

Girls want to be with people as considerate as they are, but men aren't made that way. They put themselves first ALWAYS. If not for the fact that I'd have to deal with irrational PMS behaviour or mood swings (like mine) I would so date girls. Is the answer this: just don't freaking date!?

Call me petty but I don't always want to have to plan my own Valentine's date or birthday surprise or cook meals or plan outings or trips or anything. Sometimes (not often but it happens) I want someone to take control and grab the reins and give ME a treat. I never thought I'd say this, but I want a *gasp* thoughtful man!

I'm not a mother yet, I don't want to have to be the one planning all the time and making sure other people are happy.

I need a girly spa day, anybody wanna join me?

Randomly- A very creepy man keeps walking past my table and looking at me. Go away! Shoo!

What I've Been Working On...

2010-02-05T21:22:00.003Z

I'm launching my accessories line (hopefully) on February the 14th and these are pieces that I will be featuring. Everything is handmade by me using authentic wax print fabric (Ankara). I also take custom orders, so if you have fabric you would like transformed, you know who to call ;)

I'm launching my accessories line (hopefully) on February the 14th and these are pieces that I will be featuring. Everything is handmade by me using authentic wax print fabric (Ankara). I also take custom orders, so if you have fabric you would like transformed, you know who to call ;)

Dealing with Darkness

2010-01-31T13:13:00.003Z

I've been gone for quite a while I know...

What have I been up to? Well... let's see.

I've been studying my butt off for my exams

Making plans for my accessories line

Studying

Travelling

Studying

Sitting exams

Then getting a rude awakening when I discovered just how hard exams are in the UK compared to the US. My goodness!!

Oh and in the middle of it all I had the worst breakdown of my life. This is the darkness I mentioned in the title.

It was triggered by something which I'd rather not discuss here. I went through all the phases... shock, denial, deep dark depression and then the "ah whatever, I'll be fine phase."

I have never been so miserable in my life. I thought I was clinically depressed and that I would never be happy again. I didn't smile or laugh for two weeks and I completely lost focus and interest in everything. At my lowest point, I was in the kitchen, clawing at my skin with my nails. I actually broke the skin. I would have slashed myself with a knife if it was closer. I also tried to burn my fingers and then thought of ways to kill myself. I crossed the road recklessly thinking it can't really be suicide if I get knocked down. I thought about pills, but my friend took all my pills away from me and didn't let me out of his sight for a week. I thought about slashing my wrists but my friends monitored every move I made.

Eventually I couldn't bear the darkness anymore and I went to speak to a counsellor. I explained the situation and how I was feeling. I also told him I really didn't want to die but I couldn't stop thinking about it. He smiled and told me to calm down and said I was only having a situational crisis.

What? Dude I'm suicidal!!

He explained that I felt this darkness because I was right in the thick of the situation and the stress from exams and life was not helping but that I was not clinically depressed.

That brought me some relief but not enough. I still felt like shit, but I had a strategy. Everytime I felt extra bad, I ate donuts. It's a wonder I didn't put on any weight with all the donuts I ate.

So for two weeks, I cried all the time. My eyes were puffy and I looked like I was getting beat up. I didn't eat much apart from the donuts, and I slept all the time. When I was awake I was sad and I cried some more and I thought of ways to hurt myself. I would sleep for hours and wake up exhausted. I couldn't talk to anyone because then I would have to tell them why I was upset. A few of my friends knew but I was afraid they would think I was being overly dramatic. I felt like I was going crazy. I just knew I would be in a mental home before the end of it. I felt so alone even though there were people around me all the time.

I would not have come out of it without Zara. She talked to me for hours everyday reaffirming stuff I knew to be true but was too deep in the darkness to see. Even though she had a life and there was a 5 hour time difference, she made time to talk to me everyday until I came back to the light.

The second thing that brought me through it was myself. Me. I remembered who I was. I remembered how strong I was and all the things I'd gotten through without any help. I reminded myself that I would be fine and that my life did not have to be affected if I didn't want it to be. I reminded myself that I was still healthy and people have it so much worse than I do. I just told myself who I was and that the only thing that defined me was me and not a "situation". I didn't go through this on my own. I had people that dropped everything to be sure I was okay and that I didn't harm myself. I had family members all over the world check in on me and I felt more love than I had in a long while.

I came out of the darkness and I survived, I did not go crazy and I did not hurt myself (much, still have scratch and burn marks on my arm, but they'll heal).

I am currently at my Scottish Mum's house and being here has been wonderful. It is a calm, cosy, beautiful space far from college and its wahala and I've been able to relax and totally de-stress. I wish I could explain to her just how much being here has helped me get back to being me. I've also fallen in love during my time here with two beautiful slobbery creatures. I go back to school today but I feel totally fine now. Any time I feel the bad feelings try to come up, I push them back down. I'm too strong for that.

Now I understand that this post makes no sense because I haven't stated the reason I had my breakdown in the first place... well all you need to know is that I'm not pregnant.

O_o Black Men

2009-12-21T21:08:00.007Z

Dear Black Men,

Why must you always make us out to be less desirable than our lighter skinned counterparts?

Why do you lust after them when we have all that they possess and more?

Do we not have the same soft skin and expressive eyes, soft fluffy hair and skin that glows in the throes of passion? Do we not have grabbable behinds and squeezable fronts? Are we not possessed of blowjob lips? Are we not able to cook and feed you into a dazed and satisfied coma? Who else will provide you with egusi, pounded yam, jollof rice, groundnut soup, collard greens, mac and cheese, ribs, chicken wings, curry and peppersoup? Who else will braid your hair and speak softly to you when you are ill and make you laugh? Who else will yell at you when you're being a dick and then hug you while you're still being a dick? Who else will not hesitate to call you out on your assholish ways? Who else possesses the same stamina and hunger you show in em... (you know now)?

Basically, who is as awesome as we are?

Why are we always down on your list of desirables after the fairer fairer sex?

Answer me this my brothers... because all this greatness we possess should be yours but you shun it. Silly fools.

Fizzy out!

I'm Going to be a Mommy Part 2

2009-11-28T18:21:00.004Z

The video is a bit long but please watch as much of it as you can. The situation I mentioned seems to be concentrated in Akwa Ibom state but it's possible that it occurs elsewhere in the country (and in Africa in general).

**Disclaimer** I say "um", "whatever" and "you know" a lot. Videos make me nervous and keeping up my "phony" accent is a strain you know ;)

Nigeria's witch children

Nigeria's witch children (Revisited)

Watch the related videos to find out more about Nigerians and other people that went to Akwa Ibom to see the situation for themselves and and also helped the children in one way or another.

This video gives some info about the adoption process in Nigeria (for foreigners as well).

I'm Going to be a Mommy!

2009-11-28T03:40:00.002Z

I'm going to be a mom much sooner than I thought I would but I'm not worried or scared. Why? Because I've been planning for this for a while. I initially wanted to wait till I get married but something happened that changed my mind for me.

I'm half asleep. I will explain later.

Dear Blog Readers Everywhere

2009-11-26T22:36:00.005Z

I feel it is time for an issue to be addressed.

In the past few days, I have been witness to a lot of blatant ignorance flying around the blogosphere and I feel that I should do my part on behalf of blog writers everywhere and send a message across.

Most bloggers welcome discussions and arguments, myself included. I don't mind if people disagree with me on a topic. I love that people have opinions. I really do. I love that everybody is different. What I do not love and will not tolerate in real life or on my blog is rudeness and disrespect.

It is one thing to say "I disagree" and it is another thing to say "You are stupid for thinking this way and my way is right." I know y'all have some level of home training. The anonymity provided by the internet should not be a reason for you to throw of the cloak of respect and politeness (that your mother beat into you) and don the doo-rag of rudeness and obscenity.

Do not think that just because we write and you do not interact with us physically, that we are not real human beings with feelings. It is not easy (or safe even) putting oneself out there on any issue, but we do it anyway. Not for you, but for ourselves. If you do not like it, get to stepping.

Should you disagree with anything I write, you are free to say so as long as you word it properly and back up your arguments. I use comment moderation for a reason and so far, I've only had to delete a few comments.

Remember that this is MY blog and these are MY opinions and as it is MY space I can say or do what I want. You cannot come to MY space and dirty it with foolishness and ignorance just as I will not come to your house and shit on your carpet. You cannot tell me what I should and should not write about.

If you really cannot think of anything nice to say or a nice way to say something negative, then keep it moving. Your fingers will be glad of the relief. They don't need all that extra exercise. If my blog offends you, then don't visit. I won't miss you.

To all the people that have been reading my blog and offering me support, or disagreeing with my views (in a polite manner) I appreciate you and I hope everybody learns from you. I also hope people show you the same courtesy on your blogs.

Thank you all for reading this.

Sincerely,

Miss Fizzy

Play nice with the other commenters.

I likes this!

2009-11-23T00:12:00.006Z

Yes I know I said "likes". There is something raw and animalistic about this man that speaks to the primal woman within me. I think it's the dreadlocks *raaawwwrrrr*

By the way I changed the video, it's the same song but I think this is way better. My gosh me wan get a big booty too...

I love...

2009-11-21T19:48:00.003Z

I miss Z!

and C and M

...and B...

Eyecandy hehehehe

My twin and I... I'm older by 8 years

Tyra ain't got nothing on this fierceness!!

She is my delicious lil muffin.

The Scariest Test I've Ever Taken

2009-11-19T22:07:00.011Z

This was one of those tests where no amount of cramming could help you pass

Where knowledge of your history could be a defining factor

Where you'd stay up late at night stressing over the results

But when this film plays out you're really an extra actor

You might pace and pant and hope for a good grade

But in this case you want a '-' and not an 'A'

And the scariest of all is if you get that plus

The shock could be like getting hit by a bus

So in those moments where you wait and hope for the best

You sweat and you fret and ask the tester yet

Again if all is ready, if all is fine

But he just calms you down time after time

You flashback to your former life, to reckless days

To moments of passion and "just stick it in"

Or "I'll pull out" because it'll never happen to you

But in this moment you know your life's grip is thin

The tester returns, envelope in hand

Expressionless face, eyes totally bland

He hands you the envelope without a word

Says "come into my office son"

You die a thousand deaths as your mind jumps

Sprints, polevaults to the worst conclusion

But in his office he turns to you and beams

And your fear is replaced with confusion

"Son, you did so badly yet I'm happy for you

In every subject you scored a minus too"

You jump for joy at the success in your failure

All those vows you made you at once renew:

"I will always practice safe sex!" you proclaim

You encourage your brothers and friends to do the same

Now that you know where you stand on that disesase so detested

Your mind is calm and your heart is rested.

Knowing is nice my people, so please get tested.

Seriously folks, get tested. Don't think that what you don't know can't hurt you, it can. It feels so good and so freeing to know. Practice safe sex at all times unless you're certain of your partners' history. Don't think it can't happen to you or that you're invincible, also don't feel insulted if a sexual partner asks to see test results. They don't think you're dirty, they just value their lives and yours.

I'm directing this to my guy friends specifically: you are not invincible!!! Use condoms!!! Get tested!!! Remember, AIDS no dey show for face oh!!

It is a pretty scary test, I won't lie. In the UK, you have to wait for two weeks as opposed to 20 minutes to two hours in the US.

On the flip side, I will do a post on not ostracising people with HIV or AIDS and the difference between the two.

Randomly, I watched that Ghanaian movie, Heart of Men and it was not what it was made out to be!!! The storyline was convoluted and the sex scenes were very unnecessary. They didn't help the movie in anyway. Even while viewing the trailer, I couldn't see the connection between the sex and the rest of the movie*Mschhhhhhhheeeewwww*

I Got My First Angry Comment Today!

2009-11-03T12:42:00.016Z

Exciting isn't it? Here we go:

This is a comment on this post.

Shut up and listen to your parents. Stop acting like a 16 yold teenager. I promise you one thing, U might never know happiness until you sit down and think and think and think so deep,deeply deep and realize that you need help. Maybe if u stopped acting like a 16 yo, ur parents might have confidence in what you say and maybe let u drive to the pharmacy, because they way act, I wud think u would leave the car at the store and walk home forgetting u drove to the pharmacy. Y dont u go get so huge headphone and alot o chewing gum so we would know you ve gone crazy.

Ok.

Before I go into analysis mode, I've always wondered about something. Why do people write in text talk? I get that it is easy, but it can also be very detrimental when it comes to formal writing. I had to kick that habit when I realised that I was having to use spellcheck too often in my school assignments. It's handy for texting and for Twitter, but when you are commenting on a blog, or indeed writing a blog, you have unlimited space to spew your venom as you please. Writing it in proper English makes it much easier to take you seriously. I'm just saying.

Now I know that putting my thoughts out in public leaves me open to all kinds of feedback and I do appreciate all the positivity and negativity that comes my way. I asked for it.

However...

Upon analysis of this comment, I came to a few conlusions:

1. This person knows me and has a personal vendetta against me (note the unwarranted anger) and he/she said "the way you act" implying that he/she knows me.

2. I'm familiar with the writing styles of my friends and acquaintances. Most of them write and speak English very well. This narrows the field of play quite a bit. Down to one person actually.

3. Note the grammar and warped/childish logic (what do headphones and chewing gum have to do with being crazy?) Refer to my previous post in which I mentioned a post that I intended to write, but won't anymore.

4. The writer of this comment should not be ridiculed, but pitied. He/she can't help the way they are.

5. The writer of the comment is very likely the same person that sent me this email:

By the way, I made up my mind on something. I have decided that I am going to marry u come what may, lol. I ve decided that once I graduate, I dey carry palmwine, bring my granpa, pupsy and all of them to ur crib. Lol. So keep running away from me. It is a hopeless situation, there is a chick am sure I wanna spend the rest of my life with, but she is pissed at me and is so unforgiving. I can’t stop thinking about u even though u are so far away. Initially when u insisted on going back home, I was sad but I was hoping I would get detached with the distance, but instead the distance has kept u ever close to me. Brought you so much closer. Your presence intensifies as the day passes by. You keep coming up in my conversations. If what I feel is not love, I have no idea what is. So I decided, am not going to let go. Thank God, I became a US citizen so I can easily fly to Ireland to find you…

and this one:

I have to tell u a habit or an MO of mine. I recently discovered that whenever am at odds with somebody that I profoundly care about I get all feisty and starting a fight with them. The ones that know me very well recognize that am not exactly fighting them but that its how badly I miss them that makes act that way. I don’t think am ever going to stop loving you. I and my friends took a road trip yesterday and we were arguing about the kinda girl we like and I told them how my ideal chick is [Fizz]. I think about u all the time, I miss the hell out of you. I don’t wanna be close to u half and half. If you were here I would kneel on one knee and ask u to marry me, just that we wud have to roll up a piece of paper to make the ring. Trust me, if u were mine, all these things wud be different we wud never fight for a day. All the time I pick a fight with u is cos I really do miss u. You make me feel the way no one else does. Like Mariah carey said, “If its wrong to love you, then my heart would never let me be right”

Let's not forget this one:

Chick, I was on your blog today and your tweet from 50 days ago caught my eye. It made me feel very insulted. For some reason I am making a big deal out of it. And no matter how strong my admiration for u is, insults like that on such a medium as twitter, can be sufficiently felt. It is natural occurrence for people to take people that “stalk” them the way I stalk u for granted, but then I cud careless. The fact is u feel so insecure around me-that’s happens to be the truth and I was going to stoop low for the sport of it, but then I might have done that enough already. If it was about a year, I would say a big “fuck you” to u, but am a professional now, so I would omit that.

Again, note the grammar.

6. There there now... unrequited love is a bitch.

7. I expect to get some incensed backlash from the commenter and it's ok because

8. I couldn't care less. Oh and mail filters are a great invention.

Personal Triumph of the Day and Pics

2009-11-03T11:28:00.010Z

I had a funny morning. I woke up with a pounding headache and tried to decide if I wanted to go to class or not, at first I thought, nah... I'll lie here till I feel better. I changed my mind exactly 45 minutes before my class was due to start and managed to shower, dress, and get to class early in under half an hour (My class buildings are 20-30 minutes away). Yes. I am superwoman.

There was an event that could have hindered my success however.

So I jumped out of bed, raced to the shower and brushed my teeth and showered in ten minutes. I'd left my key in my room, but left the door open so I thought I was okay. So after my shower, I sauntered back to my room, only to find that my door was locked. Yup. I was standing there in a very short towel, dripping wet, with ten minutes to get ready for class.

So I dialled the porters:

Fizz: Good morning. I got locked out of my room. Could you please come let me in?

Porter: You're going to have to come to the porters desk

Fizz: BUT I'M IN A TOWEL!

Going to the porter's desk involves walking across the residence campus i.e. out in the open. Did I mention that it was also pouring rain and like 5 degrees outside?

Porter: Ok we'll send someone up right away.

5 minutes later, I was in my room feverishly thanking the porter, trying to hide my modesty, and trying to get rid of him so I could get ready. I got ready in 8 minutes flat and flew out of my room and made the bus and I still look good. *snaps and cheers and hairflips* My headache disappeared and I knew it was going to be a good day. Praise Jesus! Also, the sun just came out :)

I also got inspiration for my next post "How to Handle Mentally ~~Retarded~~

Unbalanced People (You can spot them by their grammar and the fact that they won't leave you alone even after you've told them as politely as possible to leave you alone)". Fabu-lola, Qube, Scribble me free and a few others know what I am alluding to. The lovely Z will be contributing to this post so look forward to it.

I have a test today and I have studied my tushie off for it. I feel optimistic but wish me luck anyway.

Had my first class rep meeting yesterday... I hope I made a difference.

So here are pics from Halloween and a random night out. None of me in a towel I'm afraid.

Those boots were killing my feet. Bayore was kind enough to give me a lift.
I was a pirate (awesome!). Kay was a dude in a mask. Bayore was a dude wearing a black shirt and an eyepatch (lame!)

I think we were singing "ain't no mountain high enough..."
The obligatory "Yahoozee" shot.
Peep my gorgeous blue platform Mary Janes. Too bad they were ruined by the end of the night. They're allowed to take drinks on the dancefloor here. Great for the partyers, bad for my poor shoes :(

Update:

Bayore made me promise not to write the Unbalanced People post. He said "two people can't be mad at the same time." He's not lying though. Being a finance student leaves no room for insanity. He didn't make Z promise though hehehehe.

My Take on Relationships

2009-10-30T00:52:00.008Z

I used to avoid relationships with the same fervour that women with relaxed hair avoid water. I don't really know when my mindset changed and I became one of the "us" crew but there are times when I think back to my single days and I wonder if I had the better deal then. (Hunk, I know you're going to read this. Please don't take it the wrong way. I like being your girlfriend).

I avoided being committed for several reasons, most of which make sense, and some of which don't make sense. Recently, a lot of these reasons have popped up in my current relationship, and although we weather through the issues, the aftermath always leaves me shaken.

See I haven't been very lucky in love. I've been in some terrible situations and it has taken a while for me to understand that the Hunk is not running anywhere anytime soon. Every time we have a disagreement, I expect him to tell me that it's over. I find it hard to believe that he can be mad at me and still love me. I keep thinking that I've broken us, but somehow, he pulls us seamlessly back on track, and I'm left feeling grateful, if a little confused. It's like, why is he still with me? I can't be easy to be with. I've told him things about me and my past that make me cringe and I always steel myself to hear goodbye but he just says "is that what you were afraid to tell me?" and we move on.

There are times (99% of the time) when I can't imagine being without him, and there are times when I feel like I have to watch every single fucking thing I say or do so as not to wreck the delicate balance we have. Those times exhaust me and those are the times I want to run screaming.

Even with all this, I do believe I've got my issues under control. I'm in what is probably my longest relationship to date and I don't want to stop being "us" anytime soon (maybe ever).

That being said, I don't believe in fairytale, perfect love. Nope. I'd hate to have that kind of love to be honest. What I believe in is that people are flawed and prone to mistakes. I believe that people outgrow each other. I believe that people change and become incompatible. I also believe that no one knows what the future holds in any relationship, not even the people involved. I don't sit and fantasize about getting married to my boyfriend because I don't know if we will. I know people date with marriage being the ultimate goal, but I date because I like the person I'm with and want to be with them. I'm not thinking in terms of forever, but in terms of "right now, this works". It might work forever or it might crash and burn in a few months. Who knows? I'm just not a romantic. I treat love with the same practicality as I treat most other things in my life. I wasn't always this way, but life taught me a few lessons.

Now the reason why I avoided relationships prior to being with the Hunk seem a bit silly now, but there are times when they pop up as valid issues in our relationship. I didn't want a relationship because I didn't want to have to answer to anybody. I wanted to be able to do things and make decisions without worrying about how it will affect my other. Things as simple as taking a picture with a member of the opposite sex could be a cause for an argument or jealousy... who wants that? I didn't want to open up and share myself with anyone. I'm really selfish when it comes to my heart, and it is a painful, difficult process for me to part with it. I've done it once or twice before and each time I've had to pick the splinters of my heart off the floor and build them back into a whole. I lost a few pieces here and there. I'm afraid that if it happens again, I won't have enough pieces left for a decent heart.

I hate having to explain myself or change because somebody wants me to. My usual attitude is if you don't like me the way I am, then keep it moving toots. I hang out with guys more than with girls and to me it's perfectly innocent, but to boyfriends, my guy friends are just hyenas waiting to prey on po' helpless lil old me who doesn't have a say in who she's with *flutters eyelashes*. Even if the guys happen to be crushing on me, or go so far as to make a move, isn't it enough to know that I have free will and will always set them straight? Because they want me doesn't mean they can have me. I cherish my friendships and I keep my friends close (fuck the enemies, don't want that negative energy around me). I don't want to have to end friendships because the boyfriend might feel threatened or might not approve. Isn't it enough to know that the only one I'm checking for is you?

Flipping this on me, I didn't want to be a girlfriend because I hate being jealous. I've always boasted that I'm not the jealous type, but apparently it's a lie. Sometimes it's hard to just trust when things seem shady, but if I love you, I have to trust you. I hate the way things change though. When you're friends it's all good. It doesn't matter if he doesn't call, if he smiles at other girls etc. Heck, I'd be busy smiling at other guys too. In relationships however, little things like him dissing your hair could cause a full scale fight, whereas in the beginning, you would have giggled and dissed him back. Well I would have anyway. I just did not want to be that girl. I know this is not everybody's experience, but when I love someone, I start to act... different. Listen to Halfcrazy by Musiq if you don't know what I'm talking about. I don't want to be upset about a picture I saw, a comment on your wall, not getting a call when I was told I would, not seeing you, girls hitting on you, you being upset with me amongst other things.

There were other reasons why I avoided relationships but I've grown past them. I've also learnt that a good man will always let me be myself. He will accept me, flaws, ego, zits and all and not just tolerate me.

The Hunk and I work pretty well because we're both very ambitious. We get what we want but we get it using different approaches. I tend to bulldoze in and go for what I want, working on different projects at a time and stressing over every detail, while he's more laidback and easygoing and more likely to use charm. I have a tendency to get too serious and I'm always ten steps ahead of myself. He's taught me to live in the moment and I in turn have rubbed off on him in terms of focus. We get along really well actually because we don't try to change each other and when we do have problems, they're more than likely related to the fact that there is some physical distance between us. He is more of a romantic than I am and I love that about him, even as I keep my mushy side firmly in check. We're almost polar opposites, but it works.

Basically the Hunk is a good person. He always brings out the good side of me. He makes me laugh, he makes me think, he makes me open up, he makes me mad, he makes me swoony, he makes me violent, he makes me peaceful, he makes me happy. He distracts me, keeps me focused, amuses me, annoys me, teases me, loves me. If I have to go without talking to him or if we have a fight, I can't sleep till we're okay again. Even if it takes days... guess I'll be getting no sleep.

I only hope I have half the effect on him that he has on me.

Some Girls Are Nasty!

2009-10-22T18:37:00.003+01:00

And not in the good video girl kind of way (I do not condone slutty video girl behaviour).

I live in a flat with 5 other girls and for the most part we get along well. Probably because we don't see each other a lot, which works for me. We're all postgrads so we have busy schedules and stuff. We have our own bedrooms, but we share the kitchen and bathroom. It works out a bit, except for minor issues with two girls trying to take up all the space in the kitchen meant for six. We all like to cook so we had to find a way to work it out. Also, some girls don't clean up after themselves properly etc etc... the usual flatmate bullshit.

Like all the above wasn't irritating enough, last night was just the height! At about 1.30 am, I went to wash my face and on getting to the bathroom, what did I see? Please guess.

Give up?

It was a rolled-up used sanitary pad. It was sitting all jaunty and non-chalant by the sink and it was TOUCHING MY FACE WASH!! *wall slide*

It was 1.30 in the morning and I wonder, would I have been wrong for banging on doors and asking whoever the nasty is to remove their crap from there? So far I've been quiet and nice about everything, but I need to make sure that crap like that never happens again.

I will fix this somehow.

*Shudders at the nastiness*

I don't wanna be a corporate slave...

2009-10-21T20:27:00.006+01:00

So I always thought I wanted to be a banker... a financial corporate type wearing sharp suits, classy heels, black berry and prada purse in hand. Making the big bucks and ruling the world generally. I always had that glossy image of my future self. I knew there would be hard work and sleepless nights and endless weeks, but I actually looked forward to all that. I thrive on being busy and having too much to do. Why do y'all think I blog excessively? It's not like I don't have enough to do with school and other things, I like the feeling of being full to the brim with things to do. Heck multitasking is my specialty. Right now I'm writing this post, eating some yummy rice and lamb curry (thanks Tally), playing with my hair and fielding phone calls about a party I said I'd be at but decided not to be at because it is pissing buckets outside.And because I have an early class tomorrow. And because I'm a good girl and I don't party. Right.

In secondary school, I started off doing science subjects with the intention of going into medicine. When I moved to Ireland, I switched to business subjects. My undergraduate degree was in finance, and my graduate degree is in finance. I do well in my classes and I could coast though if I wanted to. I understand financial concepts and can do equations in my head. All this should be a recipe for success in the banking world right?

Weelllll....

Yesterday I came screeching to a halt and had a mini panic attack. I blame KPMG. Let me start at the beginning....

Yesterday, my uni had a career fair for us finance people and the big 4 were there. For those of you who don't know, the big 4 are Deloitte TT, Price Waterhouse Coopers, KPMG and Ernst & Young. It was an impressive line up. I went to the career fair all prepared in my cute lil business outfit, resumé all neatly typed up, enthusiastic bullshit spiel ready... *sigh* Gosh I was so young and optimistic... then I saw everybody else was dressed in regular clothes and that at career fairs here, all the companies do is tell you to visit their website. They didn't even collect CVs. What was the point? I was mad I made an effort when I could have had a few more minutes of sleep. Even took the bus so I could wear heels. I am not pleased.

Ok so after the useless fair and the rest of my classes, KPMG hosted this session at a night club in town. Ok... there was free booze... ok. Tasty hor d'oeuvres... ok. Eye candy waiters and waitresses (Z you would have been spoilt for choice.) Me I didn't look oh... where was I? Ok. Lots of food and booze and eye candy. Happy so far. Yup. Great. Awesome. *Insert ominous horror movie music*

And then I saw the KPMG staff. My heart dropped to my freaking feet! I made up my mind that I did not want to be like them. Nope. You couldn't pay me to be like that (apparently they don't pay that much anyway). They looked like zombies. All sad and drained, dead eyes. They were dying horrible cubicle deaths all for the sake of having one of the big 4 on their resumé... God no. I talked to one of the people that worked there. He just graduated over the summer and had just started working there. He looked so sad and his eyes were screaming "Get me out!" I asked him to tell me honestly if he enjoyed working there, but he gave me a strained smile and said he enjoyed it etc etc. I asked another lady who'd been working there for a few years... same story.

The presentation consisted of a lot of "We're so great!" "Come work for us" "Fun atmosphere!" type stuff and it was all so false. I saw right through it. I knew they hated their jobs.

Can you imagine? Tied to a desk, staring at figures on a screen all day, endless emails, phone calls, forced socializing with co-workers you don't even like, wearing dull, bland, grey suits? Is this what my life is going to be like? *wall slide* (shout out to Luvvie)

I'm freaking out at the thought of becoming a corporate zombie. I have too much life in me to be contained in an office. I need to be allowed to be creative and expressive. I don't want to be tied down to schedules and hours... I don't want to wake up in the morning dreading the thought of going to work....

But I've come this far, surely this is the next step for me?

Oh and get this, one of the KPMG staff had a stud in his ear and I asked if that was allowed, and I was told that it was, because it was small and tasteful, etc. So of course, I asked if I'd be allowed to wear an afro in the office... guess what they said? mschhheeewwwww

So I've been thinking about my options. I will definitely finish this course, then I will do the corporate slave thing for half a decade (if I survive that long) then I'll a) marry a rich man or b) (best idea) open my own business doing something creative. I'm currently working on a line of... something. All will be revealed in a few months. If it takes off, I may be able to skip the whole corporate thing and just do that. All the stuff I've learned in school will be invaluable to me in running my own business so I can't be mad about that.

I think in a few years, I'll return to school to learn fashion design or graphic design or something. Anything that doesn't involve concepts and theories some dude came up with light years ago that I can't twist or bend or work around.

Gosh, I'm a busy freaking bee these days *sigh*.

Nobody is awesome today. It's raining.

Class Rep Update:
So my constituents (lol) decided they would like me to get one of our tutors fired. Do I look like Abacha? Do you see tribal marks on my face? I thought not.

Untitled

2009-10-17T16:55:00.002+01:00

Have a guess at what inspired me to write this:

My train of thought is constantly being derailed by the slippery rails that the image of you lays in my mind
I can only hope this sabotage ain't mine alone, that the thought of me messes with you in kind
I think of you and my focus falls into a tunnel and races away into oblivion
I want to stay, I need to leave, so simple but I can't make a decision

You're the block in my road and the grease in my spokes
When I spoke of you before my mind went to other blokes
See they never can stand up to you
But they don't distract me like you do
And if I want to achieve all the things I believed
Then I must... I must say goodbye to you.

So...

2009-10-16T21:32:00.005+01:00

I was voted the class rep for all the Msc Finance programmes at my uni!!!

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do as a class rep, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Today was a pretty cool day though. I met some of the people who read LITK (I'll post all about that on LITK) and I learned that I was voted class rep. I absolutely did not coerce, bribe or threaten anyone to vote for me. No really. I didn't. 0_o

Also, it's Friday which means, no getting up at 7 freaking am to go to class for the next two days.

And also my awesome friend Z is majorly awesomely awesome and I love her to bits and pieces.

It's only a few weeks into the school year and the sleepless nights have already set in. This is why it is Friday night and I am lying in bed in my PJs typing this post rather than being out somewhere being buck wild. It helps to know that the Hunk is in exactly the same position tonight. Hehe. Misery loves company especially company as shmexy as the Hunk.

Yay for skype!

Hope y'all have a great weekend with lots of fun buckwildness.

Finance Class Rep (woohoo!)

iCan't With Rude Nigerians...

2009-10-13T22:17:00.003+01:00

Yes I know I've got pimples on my face, but I will smack the next guy that mentions it to me or tries to touch my face. For fuck's sake. If you're looking for a way to start a conversation with me, that is not it. Try asking about my hair. Also, DON'T TOUCH MY HAIR WITHOUT PERMISSION.

Today at my uni, there was this job fair thing. My friend Bayore was filling out a job application and this Nigerian girl walked over. She grabbed the form out from under his pen, no please or thank you and was like "what is this?"

My jaw dropped. I couldn't get over how rude she was, I had just finished cutting a guy down to size for pointing out that I had pimples and now this? It was too much for me.

So anyway, my friend Bayore is a majorly nice guy, so he smiled at the girl and told her politely that he needed to finish with the form so he could get some food before his next class and that he was pressed for time. He even apologized to her. This chick rolled her eyes with attitude and was like "well since food is more important", and walked away.

I didn't know what to say. I asked him later if he knew her and he said not really. Now if that had been me, the situation would have played out a whole lot differently. I can't stand disrespect.

I jus tire for rude Nigerians.

Woooooooosah....

Why I Don't Like Girls

2009-10-11T11:46:00.004+01:00

I won't be the first girl to say this or the last, but the truth is I cannot stand being around females for too long. With the exception of family members, Z, Melony, Chayo and Sabrina and a few others, I don't like girls. Pure and simple fact.

Now this to me, feels as bad as a black person saying: "I don't date black people". It's pretty ridiculous right? I mean girls should like other girls and so on, but it just doesn't seem to work. I could never be bisexual or a lesbian because I can't handle friendship with girls, much less a relationship. We'd kill each other!

Now guys on the other hand, I get along with so well. I don't know why, but I'm very comfortable around them. I can be my plain and simple, vulgar self without the need for censorship and my guy friends always have my back. I rarely hear that dude A or dude B was talking about me behind my back. My boyfriend calls me a tomboy... I guess he's right. I'm not girly. I curse and swear, I don't wear makeup or weaves, I dress in men's shirts and I hardly dress up or wear heels (doesn't stop me from having a huge shoe collection). I'm more likely to be found in the midst of a group of guys laughing at a story of a saturday night hook up. I can be myself with them.

I feel that there is a template that Nigerian girls are supposed to follow and I know that I don't fit that template. I'm not girly, I don't shy away from conversations about dirty or taboo subjects (sex anyone?), I will leave my house in sweatpants and think I'm fabulous, I don't take money from guys, I say what I mean and I say it to whoever's face, I don't form opinions on people I don't know well enough, I won't offer unsolicited advice to anyone and I don't think I'm more superior to anyone because I act, think or look a certain way, and I'm a good friend. Period.

Sometimes, when I'm in the presence of a Nigerian girls, I like to say things that will shock them out of their pious, "I'm oh so right" haze and bring them to the real world. I want them to realize that nobody is perfect and nobody is better than anyone. I say the things that I know they think but are too afraid to say because they value what strangers think of them. My huge crime is that I don't give a fuck. I will say what is on my mind whether it's inappropriate or not.

I also think I'm a good friend. I do my best to keep in touch, but if the other person is not making an effort, I'll stop. If I have an issue with someone, I will tell them. If I think someone has an issue with me, I will ask them. It's up to them to be honest with me or not, but I will never lie about how I feel about something or someone.

If I say someone is my friend, it means I have accepted them 100%. It doesn't matter if they are drug users or hookers on the side, I will stand by them. I may not approve of their lifestyle but I will be there for them regardless. I won't pretend to be friends with people I don't like. That is the thing about girls that pisses me off the most. If you don't like a person, that's cool, but why would you deliberately hang out with the chick and act like you're BFFs to her face. What is the fucking point? Then you will come to me and start telling me how you "hate that bitch". So why are you friends with her???!! Why would you go to her boyfriend and tell him things that she told you in confidence? If you don't like her, why won't you leave her alone and let her be happy?

Girls need to stop being two faced. Honesty is liberating, I promise you. For example, when I moved back to Ireland, I picked up my phone and called an old friend of mine because I sensed something was wrong. I asked her outright, "have I offended you? Let me know so we can fix it." She just laughed and said nothing was wrong and that we were good. Fast forward to a few days later and I hear all about how she doesn't like me because of something that happened over a year ago, that I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER! She said I'd said I'd meet her somewhere and I didn't. So that's what she couldn't tell me? Fuck that bullshit. I am so sick of it.

I am sick of the girls that only get in touch with me because they want something from me, be it my time, help or gist. A few weeks ago, I jokingly put that I was heartbroken on my facebook status. I was flooded with messages asking me what was up and if I was ok. Now out of all of those, only two were genuinely concerned. The others were just looking for gist. They wanted to hear that my boyfriend and I had broken up. Ha!

I'm gonna stop the rant here and just make a list. Now I know not all girls are like this, but about 95% of the ones I come in contact with are.

Why I Can't be Friends with Girls
1. Girls are extremely two-faced. Heck, guys are too, but the degree to which girls are is extreme. Can you imagine a girl, going to her "best friend's" boyfriend and asking him why he had chosen her friend and not her? Or going to that same boyfriend and then telling him all kinda of nasty shit about that girl just so he'd leave her? (He didn't by the way). How about the girl I spilled my heart out to when I had a falling out with the guy I loved. She listened to me cry then went right to the same dude and told him I'd said really bad things about him and THEN worked her way into his bed. THAT's a friend for you. I could go on, but I'll move on to number two.

2. Girls are judgemental and have opinions on everything and everyone. Girls are constantly judging everyone, especially other girls. Ladies the reason you have to dress up and look good when you go out is not for dudes. Nope. It's so the ladies won't tear you down. Guys will see a good looking girl, but girls will see OMG her dress is SO last year, OMG what is she wearing, oh I feel so bad for her *giggle*. Whatever. Or you see a girl who is quiet and isn't trying to be part of a clique and all of a sudden she has an "attitude". She thinks she's too good, she thinks she's all that, we have to take her down a peg or too... How about she just wants to be left alone? I don't understand it. How can you form an opinion on someone you don't know? What, because of hearsay? Fuck hearsay! If you don't know the person on a one on one basis, you don't get to have an opinion.

3. Girls act like everything is a competition. You know how when you go to the club and you see these girls looking you up and down like you stole their money? It's just the starting whistle in the competition to get the men at the club on that night. Seriously girls, there is enough money, dick, shoes, space on earth for everyone, so calm the fuck down. Noone is trying to take your man.

4. Girls are so uncomfortable in their own skin and they think I should be too. No fuck that. I will walk out of my house with my bare pimply face and my hair in an afro and in jeans and a tshirt and STILL get guys. I don't have to do shit but be myself.

5. Girls care too much what people think. There are some people whose opinions you should care about, and then there are people you should completely ignore. That girl in your class that walks up to you to tell you, "Oh maybe you shouldn't wear such bright lipstick" or something helpful like that, should be treated to a smile and a fuck you very much.

6. Girls give unsolicited advice. See example above. Also, a girl I go to school with told me that people in my class think I have an attitude because I'm so quiet and I'm not out there trying to be friends with everyone. By everyone, I mean the Nigerians. No thank you. I'm not interested in being friends with everybody. I don't have to like them because they are Nigerian. I don't want people all up in my business. No I don't care about their opinions. Now please leave me the hell alone.

7. Did I say two-faced? I can't bear the whole friends to your face thing and then whispers behind your back. If you have an issue with someone, please say it to their faces. They can then defend themselves, apologise or tell you to fuck off as the situation warrants.

8. They think I want to steal their boyfriends... or in an extreme case, their father. As Sugabelly would say, I laugh "kpehe kpehe". Girl please. I don't steal. If you feel that insecure about your relationship, maybe you shouldn't be with him. If you're that intimidated by me, then I'm sorry. I can't help you. I'm just saying. But I don't want your crusty ass boyfriend.

And to the girl that accused me of trying to sleep with first her brother, then her father, what the fuck were you thinking?

You and I were friends. You and your family were good to me and I would never have done anything to betray that kindness. I never looked at your father or brother in that way. I had to leave your house because I knew your mum thought I was trying to fuck your brother. I wasn't. I will swear to you that I wasn't. As for your father... he's an old married man. He is your father. You were my friend. Even if he was none of these things, I STILL wouldn't look at him that way. I am not an ashawo like you called me. I was not lusting after anyone in your house.

YOU fucked up the day you asked me to remove FB pictures with you without giving me an explanation. YOU fucked up everytime I tried to call you to talk and you hung up on me. YOU fucked up when you sent me a facebook message accusing me of trying to break up your parents marriage and calling me an ashawo. That was a bitchy thing to say but at least you said it to my face and not behind my back. See I was kinda hurt though, because I thought we were the kind of friends that would talk things out but rather you were walking around with whatever beef you had and did not give me a chance to explain or apologize or tell you to fuck off.

I believe in talking shit out, no matter how bad it is. I refuse to carry bad feelings around with me. But that's just me.

I would like to dedicate this post to everybody that has ever bitched about me but never had the guts to say to my face what they thought.

To the girl who pretended to be my BFF then told everybody who would listen my secrets. I salute you bitch.

To the girl who listened to me cry then went after the guy I loved, I salute you bitch.

To the girl who accused me of trying to break up her parents' marriage and fuck her brother, I salute you bitch.

To the girl in Dublin who told me everything was alright with our friendship, then proceeded to bitch about me, I salute you bitch.

To the girls who are STILL trying to ensure that my boyfriend leaves me, I salute you bitches.

To all the fake and two-faced girls I have ever known, I salute you bitches.

Fuck each and every one of you very much.

For the longest time, I thought I was just a bad person for people to keep treating me like this, but it's like Z said, some girls have a pattern of falling into relationships with the wrong men. I just fall into friendships with the wrong girls. They probably weren't bad people, our personalities just didn't click. Still I will take my chances and stick with guy friends.

The Proper Post

2009-10-09T22:12:00.004+01:00

Gratuitous 'fro pic

Oh man... it's been a weird couple of weeks.

I love my new university. It's an amazing learning environment with a decent social scene. I'll go into detailed comparisons of FDU and UA in another post.

So the town my uni is located in is nice. It's small, but it'll keep me occupied for the year I'm here. Anything longer than that and I'll get bored. I've met some pretty cool people, but I'm not here to be a social butterfly this time around. I wanna get my degree and leave.

When I was doing my undergrad, I wanted to do everything and be everything. I joined a sorority, I dated, I played, I partied... and at the end I was so unhappy. It was pretty much hell sometimes but I learned a lot about myself and how strong I am. I made some good friends, some very bad friends... I hurt people, people hurt and betrayed me. I met fake people, real people, good people and bad people. I wasn't the best judge of character so I didn't know how to differentiate. I have quite a few regrets and I could have done a few things differently... but on the upside, I'm so much stronger and wiser and happier and healthier, emotionally, mentally and physically.

I let people tell me who I was and what I was like, I let other people make me feel bad about the type of personality I have, I let people use and abuse me...

It took a major heartbreak and mental breakdown for me to realise that it was enough. Who I am is good enough and the world can take me or leave me. I don't need a million friends to be happy. I'm so happy and thankful for the few I have. The ones who accepted me without question, who always had my back, who were there for me through all kinds of bullshit. They know who they are and I love them like sisters.

I just got so tired of people judging me and making me feel less than...

So I decided that I was done with it. I stopped caring what people thought. I stopped censoring myself. I stopped trying to please others and I stopped letting other people define me. In short, I grew up.

It was liberating.

So this time around, I plan to stay true to me and keep my focus. I'm not here for friends or parties or drama. I'm not here for anybody to like me. I'm not here to be part of a clique. I intend to keep to myself as much as I can and be happy and git 'er done!

Also, just because you're Nigerian and I'm Nigerian doesn't mean that we should be friends. Heck, if we were in Nigeria, we most likely wouldn't talk to each other so why does my nationality give you the right to come over and start acting all "familiar"? Seriously, cut that shit out. It annoys me. If I don't invite you into my space please don't take liberties, I will most likely be rude if I feel invaded.

Random thought:

Is it just me or are Aberdonians racist/sexist? On 3 separate occasions, female store cashiers have been quite rude to me but disgustingly nice to the black guys I'm with. Me thinks them's got the jungle fever. Hehe... but I will go off on the next bitch that is rude to me in Pound city! Seriously, that new in town thing has worn off and I will curse somebody out.

Randomly, I have an awesome boyfriend, he gives me strength and I love him like a girl on a diet loves full fat chocolate cake.

I'm Sick...

2009-10-07T11:31:00.004+01:00

For the first time in ages. Not real sick though, just bad cold. In Nigeria having a cold is not sick but they make such a production out of it here. It kinda feels like I made out with a cement mixer and now I have wet cement in my nose and throat. Yuck...

So that's not my excuse for not blogging frequently. I have a much better one.

Grad school!

I've been settling into graduate school life and it's really very busy plus I decided to do my dissertation early and that takes up a lot of time too. I love it here though.

My school is the shiznit. I will explain why this is so much better than my crummy undergrad uni (no offense FDU but you did kinda suck balls where international students were concerned).

I have lots of updates, most of which I can't post here for fear of a family intervention (scary stuff).

I gotta go do some school stuff now. Will be back with a proper post and updates soon.

I miss you guys :(

My Last Day....

2009-09-20T21:33:00.009+01:00

Random shots from our walk through Dublin... St. Stephen's Green. First time I ever actually went in. It's very pretty.

Swans... they're quite stinky and scary looking up close.

Trying to be at one with nature and all that jazz
On our way to the "herbal" shop... (We only went there to buy incense. I swear!) with Hunk, H and El.
Such pretty things. Folks, I give you the Dublin Head Store. Check it out if you're ever in temple bar... look for the erotic teas lol.
Even the mannequin looked high.
The Hunk... always on the goshdarn phone!

Swooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon

2009-09-16T17:29:00.001+01:00

Men of My Generation, Defend Yourselves!

2009-09-15T14:18:00.005+01:00

My mum and I have the same argument repeatedly, with variations of course, but the refrain is the same:

Mum: No man wants to marry a woman that is (insert whatever here)

Fizz: My generation is more open minded than that. Women have freedom to be individuals

etc.

So here's what I want right now. I want for you, men of my generation, to prove me right or wrong as the case may be. Are we really more open minded now? Do we have a different view of what constitues wifey material now or is it still the same? Can we look beyond the traits our mothers say our wives should have and see people for who they really are? Do you still want to fuck city girls then go home and marry a village girl?

Girls, feel free to add your own "No man will marry a woman who... etc" below, and men please tell me if you would or you wouldn't marry a woman who... etc. (This can also be applied to "A mother-in-law will hate a woman who....)

No man will marry a woman who...

Is not a virgin

Is too educated

Likes to party

Is not submissive

Makes too much money

Is a sexual freak

Lives on her own

Owns property

Can't cook

Is too independent

Who has no family (is an orphan and has no relatives)

Talks back

Has been around the block

Doesn't give a fuck about others' opinions

Shows anger in public (gasp!)

Is too sophisticated

Is the same age as they are

Is not a village girl

Doesn't want kids

Only wants a few kids

Has career ambitions

Doesn't want to be a housewife

Isn't under 30

Is too fussy about (their) appearance

Drives a banging car

Is bisexual

Has bisexual fantasies

Doesn't believe a man's word is law

Has a non-nigerian accent

Has dreadlocks

Has fucked the man's brother

Doesn't know how to greet the traditional way

Says "hi" and "hello" instead of Ekaro and the rest

Likes to sleep in on weekends

Has lots of male friends

Has pictures with guys (brother, friend, cousin, doesn't matter) on facebook

I'll stop here. If you have any more, please add. And men, tell me, will you or won't you?

...sometimes I wish I was a dude...

2009-09-12T15:25:00.005+01:00

Not for the reason you think though, you know who you are and I can see you smiling. Stop smiling! Silly girl.

Nah, let me get one thing clear, I don't want a penis. I wouldn't be able to adjust to something dangling between my legs... yuck! Hairy balls, stinkiness, being generally gross... Ah who am I fooling, I LOVE to burp. I love it! I have issues...

Anyhoo.

Sometimes I want to be a guy because of all the maintenance that goes into being a girl. Even a regular/low maintenance girl goes through a lot of bullshit just to look decent. Decent oh, not even gorgeous or fine sef, just normal.

Then there are the "expensive" girls that can't go to the store without their Brazilian weaves, their face paint, fake eyes, nails, eyelashes, bleaching cream, stilettos, designer gear... I'm exhauasted thinking about the effort that they must put into all that. Do they have time for regular lives? I mean it takes me an hour at least to get ready to go anywhere and I literally just shower, moisturize, wear clothes and go to wherever it is I'm going. Now add make up, hairstyling etc to the mix and I will not be leaving my house for days.

Let's go through the steps. For a girl to look decent, she has to be hairless, blemishless, and lineless. In order words, a doll.

I have long legs. Last time I measured, I was 14 years old and I had 42" legs. They're longer now. To be "decent", every inch of those legs has to be as smooth as a baby's butt. Why? I really want to know why society says I have to, while men can walk around with hair long enough to cornrow on their shins. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Defuzzing options. Each one is more expensive than the last, but has longer lasting effects.

Shaving: My legs stay smooth for about a minute, before they become nasty and stubbly again. I get hideous razor bumps and ingrown hairs, nicks and cuts, I have to do it every other day (what? It takes me an hour to shave my legs), and OMG have you ever felt the chafing between your thighs as a result of shaving? Never a-fucking-gain. Yes I looked good in those mini skirts, but damn it I hated myself and had to sleep with icepacks between my legs. So shaving is a no.

Depilatory Creams: They are pretty easy to use and they give longer lasting results than shaving. I don't get the chafing and I don't have to do it as often. However, it is messy and it smells quite nasty. It also melts away layers of my flesh and leaves me feeling very irritated with lots of attractive scabs and chemical burns. I gave up relaxers on my head, why am I still using them on my legs? SMH

Epilators: An epilator is basically a giant tweezer that pulls hairs individually out of your skin. Now imagine doing that over and over all along the length of your legs... ripping, and pulling hair out, like having duct tape ripped off your skin over and over... er... I think not. However, it causes the least irritation and I don't get ingrown hairs or anything. However, I would say childbirth has to be less painful. So no.

Waxing: Probably the best method for me and my sensitive skin. It hurts like fuck but you get used to it. The results last for weeks and I guess if you work out the cost it is kind of economical. It's what I would do if i had a regular income and I could budget for it, however, I don't and I do it rarely. Ah well, when I'm rich that would be a yes.

Electrolysis: Let's not even go there... the pain, the cost, the fact that it will still grow back no matter what they tell you? No.

Until I'm rich enough to be able to wax often, I've found the perfect solution: wear pants, and don't have sex. There, simple. When summer comes around again I'll go back to scraping and burning and melting my skin but in the winter, I can get away with tights and jeans and stuff. Yay!

I really hate you guys that have hairless legs without having to shave. I do. I hate you. I also envy the people that are so comfortable with themselves that they can saunter around with gorilla fuzz on their legs. Please tell me your secret... I'd love to not have to build an outfit around whether my legs are smooth or not.

Don't even get me started on the... ahem... the special area. Still, unless you're having sex, intending to have sex or you're pornstar or a slut or something, what it looks like down there shouldn't really matter to anybody else right? Boys if you must fantasize, just imagine we look however you want us to. Better yet, stop picturing us naked.

Classic!

2009-09-09T19:35:00.001+01:00

Oh my goodness I LOVE this skit. I've also been harassed by guys like this.

"The back o' yo head is ridiculous!"

Why Do I love Scribble Me Free?

2009-09-08T21:07:00.001+01:00

Because he told me that this is my soundtrack.

Then he freaked out when I got emotional because it was so true.

Hehe pussy.

x

For Fuck's Sake!!!

2009-09-08T13:58:00.005+01:00

I'm not retarded because I don't have a master's degree (yet)

I haven't suddenly lost my ability to think for myself because I moved back home

I haven't forgotten how to make my own decisions because you pay my tuition

I'm not prone to bad decisions because I said I may not want to move back to Nigeria

I'm not a gormless love blind fool because I'm dating a boy you don't approve of

I'm not wayward or a loose girl because sometimes I want to go out dancing

I'm very much my own person no matter what you think or feel about me or who I should be

Almost everytime you tell me what I think or should do, I feel the chant rising up in my gut, "leave me alone, leave me alone" over and over till it's filling my ears almost as clear as if I'm saying it to you. My head starts buzzing and I have to leave before the words spill out and sting your self righteous rants about how I suck and I'm a shitty daughter. Why your words are perfect, why I'll never survive away from the suffocating bossom of the family, why you're right and I'm wrong. Why I'm ALWAYS wrong.

I am sick to death of you telling me the "plan" you have for my life. I mean it was all well and good when I was a little kid and I relied on you to lead me, but I'm not a little kid anymore. You've taught me enough and now I want to be left alone, I want to make my own plan. You keep telling me how I'm old enough to marry and be a mother and all that jazz. Ok. How will I feed my kids when I'm still sucking on my mother's breasts?

I am sick to death of "the family" constantly interfering in my life. I mean even as far as telling me what pictures I can and can't have on facebook. What....?

I am 22. Count 'em, 22 years I've lived on this planet. 5 of those years, I lived in America on my own. A different continent. Far from you and in all that time, you came to see me once. I got a job, without your help, got a car, without your help, found an apartment, without your help, yet you tell me I can't live on my own? And I'm 22! I didn't age in reverse. I got older. I lived on my own from 17 up. But at 22, I can't live on my own?

You laugh scornfully at me when I expressed interest in knowing about your company. You told me I wouldn't understand, because I don't have a masters. Did I tell you though, that I started my own business from scratch without your help? No? Oh that's right, when I was musing aloud in your presence you laughed and said it was a dumb idea. Why then would you be mad at me for not telling you?

You told me I'm not clever for dating that boy, because he won't marry me. You told me I couldn't go see him when I asked for permission. What....? It was my mistake, I shouldn't have asked. I should have TOLD you.

You ask me something and I give you an answer. Not off the top of my head though, I know better than that. I do my research. But still, you don't trust that I know what I'm talking about. You must check. You must ask me a million times, you must call a friend of yours that may or may not know the answer because your daughter is stupid. She's only 22, what can she know? The fact that she's told you and showed you proof is not enough, you must confirm it from someone that is not her. They might have a masters degree and so must obviously smarter.

Oh and let's not forget that I'm a girl so I must be fragile and weak. I must be terrified of mundane things like driving to the pharmacy... oh woe is me. I mean that must be the reason why my 15 year old brother that has no driving experience is allowed to drive before I am. Why I can't go to the store without supervision.

For fuck's sake!!

Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone. If you must love me, do it from far away. Let me make my own mistakes, let it all be on my own head if I fail. You cannot live my life for me and I cannot live my life based on stuff you experienced 30 years ago. I refuse to do it. I will not do it.

I just can't.

I'm too old to run away from home, lol. I'd rather move out. Is across the Atlantic far enough?

You bore me, yes. But please stop holding that over my head. I didn't ask to be born and I really wouldn't care if I hadn't been born because I wouldn't exist and beings that don't exist can't do simple things like give a shit (or shit for that matter). You bore me, yes, but you don't own me. You told me I don't own myself? lol. Well you don't own me either. Sorry.

Red Velvet Cake

2009-09-05T15:50:00.005+01:00

This is my absolute favourite dessert and my brother baked it yesterday. Yes, that same brother. Girls get your bids in :p lol... He's gonna be so mad at me for always putting his business on here lol.It's one of those lazy Saturdays where there isn't much to do after cooking and cleaning are done so I'm jamming out to some Naija music like Yori Yori and Like Play. Love it. I'm treasuring these last few (somewhat) tranquil days because I imagine that once I start graduate school (in about two weeks) I'll have no time to sit and do nothing. What with classes, travelling and my business stuff, I'll have very little time to myself.

I shouldn't even be wasting the time blogging when I can be doing nothing...

...x

This is Wrong on So Many Levels

2009-09-02T20:34:00.001+01:00

I feel sorry for the kids, I really do.

Flashback

2009-09-01T20:17:00.004+01:00

My brother (of the shortbread fame) and I twenty-one years ago.
Now (well in 2008)...

He's still not sending my side...

Don't Look No Further... Baby I'm Back

2009-09-01T17:40:00.004+01:00

Yup I've joined the people that use tacky song lyrics to title their posts.

Nigeria was fun, it wasn't sooo much fun but it was fun. I spent most of the time chilling in the crib, held hostage by the fact that my folks were too scared to let me drive, and Hunk was too chicken to drive over (yes I said it, you were scared). I don't blame him though, my dad can be quite scary.

I wish I could regale you with tales of cool people I met and awesome things I did, but my trip was pretty vanilla. I was hoping to bump into some famous people and all but no such luck. No wait, I did see John Fashanu at Silverbird. He's much taller than I thought he would be. I bumped into old highschool and primary school friends in random places and we had fun catching up. At least I'll have people to play with when I move back.

Yes oh my people, I'm moving back to Nigeria at some point next year. As soon as I'm done with my masters, I will be shipped off to Naija where I will be paraded like a slab of meat till I get a husband. I cringe. At least that's what "they" say will happen, but we'll see sha. I won't go down without a fight. And I have Hunk who as I'm sure I've mentioned is quite awesome. Hunk is my boyfriend in case I didn't mention it. I decided I'd rather call him Hunk than O which is rather bland and he is anything but. He is veree hunky though. I swoon.

I'm racking my brain to see if there's anything interesting I can tell you?

Ehen... the weekend I met Bellanaija, Hunk, a couple of friends and I went on a club tour. We were on a mission to visit as many clubs as possible in 6 hours and we had a blast! Let's see... we went to a random seaside bar in Lekki where I munched Shawarma while mosquitoes munched on me... good times. Next we went to The Pitch, a bar in VI, then to Saipan a lounge in VI and my favourite spot of the night, and then we went on to a bunch of other places. At Bacchus, I saw so many ex-A hall faces that it was like I'd gone back in time. The highlight was seeing an old school mate decked out in full trad and casually leaning against a wall in the club sipping on a drink. I had to give him props because he pulled it off. I actually thought about donning an Iro and Buba for a minute.

Another highlight of the night was Hunk letting me drive his car. I had soooo much fun. I love cars and driving the way girls love shoes. I've been promised a car, any car I want (within reason) after graduating from my masters and I am so psyched I can't even tell you. I'm going to enjoy the whole thing.

I checked out the Icecream Factory in VI, y'all better not sleep on that place, it isn't bad at all. I also got a ton of raw shea butter (yay!). Also I came across a bunch of my old baby pics. lots of awwww moments.

Next time I'm in Naij, I definitely have to check out the Yacht hotel. It looks interesting.

What I missed the most in Naij was junk food. It wasn't too bad cos my mum was always baking muffins and donuts and samosas and puff puff and stuff and we were always sneaking off to Mr. Bigg's but as soon as I got back, I fried up a nice batch of greasy chips and sausages. I jumped in surprise when I went online and pages loaded instantly! I could watch youtube videos again!! The joy... Also I missed the washing machine. The one in our house was broken so I had to... well see for yourself:

What else?

I'll put some pics up in the next post.

Well if I remember anything interesting I'll be back. You know me, can't keep my mouth shut.

xx

I had a Fantastic Weekend...

2009-08-18T18:08:00.002+01:00

I'll tell you all about my weekend in another post. Anyway, guess who I met on Saturday during my natural hair meet? None other than blogsville royalty Bellanaija!

Her real name is Uche and she was very sweet. It turns out we both went to Atlantic Hall secondary school but she was in the year above me. She didn't bat an eyelid when I had a total groupie moment and asked to take a pic with her. :)

Be back with more soon :)

Photoshoot Preview

2009-08-14T10:19:00.004+01:00

My sisters and I are always trying to find ways to amuse ourselves. We decided to do a photoshoot recently and the theme was "Living out of a suitcase/Afros are sexy too". So the messiness of our room in the pictures is intentional as it depicts our current lifestyle. We're currently living out of our suitcases (and my afro is sexy). We styled each other and took the pics ourselves (obviously) lol all in black and white (black and white photos hide a multitude of sins). I don't have the patience to upload all the pics now so here's a preview:

Natural Hair Meetup Reminder

2009-08-13T10:21:00.003+01:00

Hello everyone, this is just a quick post to remind you guys that the meetup is this saturday August 15th. Here are the details:

Natural Hair Meetup

Date: August 15th 2009
Time: 2 - 4 pm
Venue: The Icecream Factory, Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria.
RSVP: missfizz87@gmail.com

Hope to see you there :)

I'm Angry

2009-08-10T10:50:00.002+01:00

I can't stand PMS. It seems as I got into my twenties it got worse and worse. My symptoms have been evil... from spinecrushing back pain to completely irrational behaviour. For a whole week each month, I'm like an evil parody of myself. I'm sure my shadow has horns and a tail. Could this be that PMDD ish that the tv ads speak of?

The worst part of PMS, in my case, is the deep burning anger brought on by absolutely nothing most of time, usually accompanied by dark depression. The only thing that makes it bearable is the fact that I know why I feel like that and that I'll be normal again in a few days.

Right now, I'm smack dab in the middle of it and everything, every little fucking thing is pissing me off.

At the moment I'm mad at my boyfriend? What did he do? Well he didn't try hard enough to come see me this weekend and consequently, I spent the whole weekend doing nothing. Why didn't I go to see him you ask? Well if you knew the type of maximum security life I was living in this house, you wouldn't ask. But then again, most Nigerian girls that live in their father's house will get what I mean.

So now I'm angry with him. Like spitting mad. Ordinarily, I'd be cool and understanding and it wouldn't be a big deal but right now, there's nothing rational about my thoughts.

I got even madder because I thought he didn't notice I was pissed. He should be able to read my mind right? I shouldn't have to tell him how I feel? He should just fucking know!!!

But of course I underestimated O. He seems to know the minute my mood switches. He made small talk for a while and then he said:

"Are you upset because I didn't come to see you on Saturday?"

He didn't ask IF I was upset. He asked why. My anger kinda deflated after that as I talked him through what I was feeling. It's always been one of our strong points, this communication thing. We talk through everything. No matter what or how we feel and we always get over it. He's pretty damn cool. Except when he's not.

I don't envy him the job he has as my boyfriend. I'm a nutter even without the lunacy that is PMS and he puts up with it. God bless him. I wouldn't take my crap.

I think I'll stay in bed today so that nobody pisses me off and vice versa because the way I feel right now, I might bite someone's head off for saying "Good Morning."

Sometimes I wish I was a dude, because then I know the only thing I'll be controlled by is my dick. Being a woman (woman ha!) I'm controlled by heart, head, hormones, emotions and sometimes... Too many things pulling me in too many directions. Not to mention all the double standard bullshit we have to put up with, especially as Nigerians. I'm sick of heearing "you're a girl!" so you can't do this, that or the other. Fuck it I say!! I have bigger fucking balls than a lot of men I know.

Phew, I feel better. I'm hungry...

My Keloid Treatment

2009-08-06T19:09:00.008+01:00

A few years ago, I noticed a tiny bump on my chest. I ignored it because I didn't think it was anything serious and I figured it would disappear. However, the bump grew larger, both in size and number and now I'm saddled with those weird looking things y'all see in pictures that show my chest.

I am very self conscious about them and have amassed quite a collection of scarves that I use to accent my outfits and hide my chest. I'm always afraid that when people meet me, that's all they see and I'm always sure people are disgusted by them. I actually wish people would ask questions about them rather than do that polite thing where they pretend not to see them but inside they're thinking "WTF is that?"

I had such a complex about them until Z told me to man the fuck up and stop obsessing over them and that I was beautiful and all that jazz. Then we went to get tattoos and met people there that were in love with the bumps on my chest… it was like a fetish or something lol.

These bumps are called keloids. They are benign tumors that appear on the skin as a result of overzealous scar tissue. They are raised, discoloured lesions that grow past the boundaries of the original wound. Sometimes they appear with no cause at all. They are not harmful, merely aesthetic annoyances. They do affect my self esteem and I decided to do something about them.

My mother wanted me to try laser surgery to remove the keloids, but I wanted to try other means before resorting to such a drastic procedure. I met with a dermatologist here in Nigeria and he told me that surgery would only make things worse as the scars would just grow into bigger keloids. We decided to use a course of injections instead. He called the injections Kenalog (sp) injections and they were injected directly into each lesion.

It hurt like fuck!!!

I had my mum film the whole process so I could share it with you guys... if you're not squeamish that is. I have to repeat the process again in a few months... and again... and again till I'm satisfied with the results.

Before my treatment (that's my lil sis in the back. She hates this picture hehehe)

During.

Afterward they looked inflamed from all the injections but I didn't really see any changes. Apparently it takes a few days so I'll update again if I see any visible changes.

Update: They've started to shrink :) They've gotten flatter but are still noticeable.

From the Jump...- Caption each photo

2009-08-02T12:35:00.004+01:00

I'm Home!

2009-08-01T09:12:00.004+01:00

Internet here is quite crap and I don't have the patience for a proper post right now. A few things:

1. PHCN has finally decided to pack it in. Many areas in Lagos have not had power for weeks or months now, mine included. My sibs arrived in Lagos a week before me and say they've had power once in that time. Thank God for generators.

2. The heat is heavy and damp. There's nothing that says welcome home like that first hot humid slap in the face when you get off the plane. I hate cold showers, but I don't have a choice.

3. Cold showers are necessary because there is something about the heat that gets you...

4. I get to see O today... yaay!!

5. My folks still won't let me go out and stuff. It doesn't matter that I'm 22 and lived on my own in America for the last 5 years. They won't let me drive or go out at night, or during the day for that matter... It's wahala to ask them cos I know the type of response I'll get. Think "money doesn't grow on trees" speech, crossed with "you're a girl, you should sit at home and learn to be a wife" and throw in some "at your age I was already married, what are you waiting for!" If y'all don't let me leave the house, how will I meet someone?

6. It's hot and I want to wear shorts and skirts and stuff, but I'm not allowed to step out of my house unless I'm all nunned up. SMH, c'mon now... there's no summer in the UK and this is my chance to show my legs. I shaved for this! :(

7. Did I mention it's hot?

8. My mum has decided we're to have no junk food while we're here and we're to subsist on a purely Nigerian diet. She made us eat bitterleaf soup yesterday, I tried to appreciate it, but it was bitter... like earwax. I guess it's an acquired taste. Thank God for all the fast food restaurants in walking distance and the choccies I have stashed everywhere.

9. I forgot to lock my suitcases when I was coming, but nothing was stolen. Naija!!! You do well ohhhh...

10. MTN has barred me from putting credit in my phone and when I call to get unbarred, they tell me thank you and goodbye. Losers.

Still... I'm so glad to be here, I've missed it and I can't wait to get out and about and see things. Items 5 and 6 might get in the way of that... *sigh* we'll see sha.

I miss my peeps. Maestro, Z, Chayo, Melony, B... Don't forget about me!

:)

This Old Hair Thing

2009-07-29T18:43:00.006+01:00

I was hooked on that creamy crack

So you know I have another blog, LITK. I plug it here shamelessly every 5 seconds. Although this is technically a hair post, I thought it'd be better suited to Chaotic than LITK.

This old hair thing started last year... not intentionally, but I'm so glad I stumbled on it. I remember the outrage, the gasps, the WTFs I got when I talked about cutting my hair.

"Why would you cut your hair!"

"I wanna go natural"

"Why, why do you want nappy hair?" etc...

Nappy hair huh? Does anyone know how that phrase came about? I don't.

Most of my friends indulged me, thinking it was just a phase that I'd get bored with, and I gotta say, a whole year later, it's the longest I've stayed committed to anything. And I'm still in the middle of the love it, touch it, feel it, stroke it, can't keep my hands off it phase.

Most girls are afraid of their natural hair. It's ugly. Unmanageable. Guys won't find me attractive. It feels like a brillo pad.

I gotta ask, did God make a mistake creating you with kinks? `

I think he knew exactly what he was doing. With our big personalities, voluptuous bodies and thick luscious lips, we had to have the big old hair to balance it out. I mean coke bottle body and flat old hair just don't go together in my opinion. Neither does cocoa, mahogany, ebony, caramel, honey skin gel with bleached, blanched, blond hair.

But that's just my opinion.

This old natural on my head amuses me now. I'm addicted to it. Is there an AA I can go to for afroholism? I gotta go find it, cos right this minute, I'd pick playing in my hair over cake. And I love cake. This ain't right.

Right after I chopped off several inches of hair

This old hair thing is amusing to me. See the same people that cried out in protest while the shears hovered above my head are the same ones telling me what funky styles to do with ma hurr, asking me how they can get their hair to look like mine, where they can get the WEAVE to mimic my and their natural hair texture. Gurl you don't need no weave, just get off the creamy crack.

My poor boyfriend was so afraid... then he saw my hair and now he asks for the 'fro. All the time. Bless his heart.

To the men that find women with naturals unattractive, I'm not sure what to say to you which is cool cos I'm pretty sure I don't care what you have to say either.

To the ladies who are afraid they'll be unattractive to men because of their kinks, let me tell you this: if he spurns you because of something as superficial as your hair, you don't need him or want him in your life. That being said, it doesn't matter if you're bald or have weave down to your ankles, carry yourself with dignity, exude confidence and feel good about yourself and the way you look. Whether you're a size 16 or 6, in sweatpants or skinny jeans, bald or rocking a big old 'fro, they'll stare and they won't be able to keep their eyes off you. Bask in the attention because it's all you baby.

About 5 months later

He told me: You're passionate... then of course there's the kink in your hair.

I promise I'm not high, just exhausted and pre-jetlagged.

A Piece of Me

2009-07-29T15:45:00.002+01:00

Something old... I thought I'd share. Thankfully I'm not that confused girl anymore. I don't write anymore either.

Untitled
I was never warned of love's darkness

It has to be purer than this

More than wondering what it'd be like to kiss...

I shouldn't even be thinking like this

So I'll pace for a bit, think for a bit

Try not to think about just how fit

You are... I stop and sit

You're there again

You're sublime, beautiful, cause of my pain

You're the reason my life is filled with rain...

You bring the sun, you bring the laughter

You bring the hurt, the grief after

Lust filled passion... I forget whose daughter

I am, I tumble off my pedestal.. the rush

The agony, the ecstacy, the lush

Planes of desire turn me to mush

Predictable as the sunrise, heartbreaking

As the sunset, lovemaking

Beyond the realms of imagination leaves me shaking

Your voice awakens me, your touch destroys me

Your eyes give me life and your kiss... oh your kiss

Your kiss has damned me...

Each time... another petal you pluck from me

Exposed... dependent on your light-killing love

It is daylight... the aftermath

I wilt a little more, I shiver as I remember

With guilty pleasure... with deep regret

I know what you do to me, you know it too

Each time I'm sure I'll say no to you...

You silence my pleas with one look

You sentence my soul with one touch

I've looked into your orbs, no soul... no soul there

Still I dance with you, no shame... no fear

I know who you are... I know what you are

You've stolen my soul and crushed my heart

To think your name would drive me insane

To say it... think of the pain

I know who you are, you know it too

Let's keep it between us... two

Calling All Lagos Naturals!!

2009-07-28T14:31:00.001+01:00

Cross posted at LITK

I mentioned something about a natural hair meetup in Nigeria this summer and whadd'ya know? I'm doing it!

Now I've set the tentative date as the 15th of August and the time will be from 2-4pm. The location will be somewhere on the Island in Lagos. I'm thinking either News Café or the Icecream Factory. It will be a chance to meet up with other naturals, chat, share tips and ideas, ask questions and even make new friends. If you have any products that you would like to swap or get rid of, do bring them along.

Come with an open mind.

I'm throwing the invitation open to all naturals, guys, girls, wannabe naturals, transitioners and those that are just curious about chemical-free hair. So in summary:

Event: Natural Hair Meetup
Date: August 15th 2009
Location: News Café or the Icecream Factory, Lagos, Nigeria (will pick one closer to the time)
Time: 2pm
RSVP: missfizz87@gmail.com

Come with money to spend, I'm leaning toward Icecream Factory, I hear the icecream is fabulous. Also please RSVP so I have an idea of how many people are coming, bring as many people as you like.

Professional Girlfriends

2009-07-27T02:01:00.005+01:00

I've been watching a lot of Nigerian movies over the last few days and I've noticed a disturbing trend. There seems to be an abundance of "professional girlfriends" in every single Nigerian movie ever made.

A professional girlfriend is a girl whose sole purpose in life is to get money from men by any means necessary, up to and including using her body. The money collected is then used in purchasing things like clothes, makeup, jewelry etc in order to attract more men, to get more money, to get more clothes... you see where I'm going with this.

Now I know that Nigerian movies are a reflection of Nigerian society and as reflections go, the perceptions garnered from watching said movies might be warped, but an idea of the true image will always be offered.

If what Nigerian movies are telling me is true, then Nigerian girls are nothing but gold diggers. I can't fucking stand it. You see girls who DEMAND money from their boyfriends to do their hair, nails etc. They DEMAND for cars, for apartments, trips abroad etc as if it is their right and then they cause wahala if they are turned down.

My question is this: what the fucking fuck are you thinking, making the rest of us look bad?

I hear people say it: Nigerian girls are just money grubbers, gold digging sluts... they seem surprised when they meet girls that insist on paying their own way.

When I watch those movies, I feel so digusted and I want nothing more than to smack some sense into those stupid sluts' heads.

No girl, regardless of who she is, has the right to demand money or gifts or anything from a man, especially if he is not your father. That you fucked him doesn't mean he owes you anything. You need money to get your hair done and buy clothes? Get a job! Learn to sew and do your own hair! Better yet, learn to do without. Money is not everything. Designer clothes are not to die for. You'll live if you have to take public transport. You won't die if you wear the same hairstyle two weeks in a row (the horror!).

Honestly, it just makes us look bad, cheap, needy. Is it any wonder that some useless idiot was telling me about his private jet and maybach thinking I'd be impressed? In fact he went as far as to tell me that I'm lucky that he even wants to fuck me. See disrespect! Una professional girlfriends, see wetin una don cause?

These girls tend to go for married men, but let me just remind them of one thing: Karma is a bitch. If you ruin someone's marriage today, don't expect peace in your own marriage tomorrow.

To be honest, I've actually wondered what my life would have been like if I had not been born to a comfortable family. Would I be one of those girls that goes to university under pretense of getting a degree, but instead sleeps around for money, or for the privilege of entering a car with AC?

I vocalized this thought to my mom and she laughed. She told me that the way she raised me would not allow me to entertain such nonsense and that if I ever tried something like that, poor or rich she would *expletive expletive expletive* and I believe her. She raised me too well to stoop to that level.

I also spoke to my cousin who went to university in Nigeria and he told me that becoming a PG has nothing to do with financial status at all. He told me that on his campus, some of the worst offenders were the rich kids. They just got off on the rush or something. They did it for the fun of it... hmmm... others did it out of greed. They want more than their folks are willing to give them. My mum told me that my dad has a fear of me running away with an older guy with money so he tries to give me what I ask for lol. He has nothing to worry about. Money is not on the list of things I look for in a guy.

Because of all the stuff my mum drummed in my head, I'm uncomfortable receiving presents from guys if it's not my birthday or christmas, my boyfriend will attest to this. My mum always told me not to accept gifts if I wasn't ready to give something in return. I don't like to feel like I owe. I don't feel that I have a right to anything that a guy owns, whether he's my boyfriend or not. The only thing I will make a fuss about is if he's stingy with his time. I believe in making my own money and paying my own way. If I'm too broke, I'll sit my ass at home. I won't ask a guy to take me anywhere if I know I can't at least pay for myself. I actually get off on treating my guyfriends. Seriously try it. It's a rush.

To all the PGs out there. Keep perpetuating the stereotype. Keep making us look bad. Keep wearing that ugly weave (this goes to actresses in Nigerian movies). Don't worry. There will be a revolution. Grow up and be a woman about yours... because until you do, you're just a parody, a caricature of the proud African women that you should be.

I'm not saying that ours is the only culture that indulges in this nonsense, but ours is the culture I'm concerned about. And I also know that there a lot of non-gold digging Naija girls out there, this post is not directed at them.

This is the movie that sparked my tirade. Watch and learn.

Are You Freaking Me??

2009-07-27T01:00:00.000+01:00

This used to me one of my favourite songs to um... dance to. But these dudes right here, they've ruined it for me :( I'll never be able to dance with abandon to this song again!

Tear Rubber Baby

2009-07-25T22:03:00.003+01:00

LWKMD (Laugh wan kill me die)

I just saw this song on HiTV and I had to post it up here. The song is called "tear rubber". For anyone who doesn't know, if one says a girl is "tear rubber", it means that she's a virgin, i.e, untouched, still in her wrapping... the refrain goes:

She be tear rubber baby
She be tokunbo

Tokunbo meaning second hand...

This made me laugh but not for the reason you'd think. I'm too distracted to go into this further, and I'm not sure my fam will agree with my views here, so let me just keep those thoughts to myself for now.

I like the song, it's smooth, but I can't say I like what they're addressing. Enjoy!

Wait a sec... did you notice something? Yup that's right. No white wimmin in the video! It's all homegrown baby...

However, the bit where the dudes are all standing around topless is kind of weird... and not in a good way. *raised eyebrow*

Easy as pie?

2009-07-24T16:59:00.003+01:00

Whoever said pie was easy has obviously never tried to make it.

I made my first pie today. It looks terrible, but tastes so gosh darn good.

I was actually going to make cornish pasties (meatpies for my Naija lot) but I was feeling too lazy to do the repetitive rollng and cutting. So I just made one big misshapen pie.

I made a shortcrust pastry, and for the filling I used ground beef, peas, carrots, sweetcorn and beef gravy. It sounds like a mess, but it works.

Also my lovely brother (who informs me he's single) made more shortbread :)

I wonder how many pounds I'll gain before the weekend is out....

Cold Turkey

2009-07-24T13:18:00.003+01:00

So I've been talking about leaving facebook for good (dem's fighting words I know) but who was I kidding? My addiction intensified so much in the last few days and I knew I had to do something...

So today I deactivated my account.

Yup.

I did... it's been 5 seconds and it's hard!!!!!! Of course it helps to know that I can always just log back in (and I probably will in a minute) but I need to be strong!

So I'm sitting on my hands until I can control my urge. My aim is to last till the end of the summer. So if any of my facebook friends read this, I didn't delete you! I'm just taking a break and I'll be back at the end of the summer (or in 5 minutes).

I am a bit tired of watching other people live their whole lives on facebook (or I'm just jealous cos my life is too dull to go on facebook).

Lawd give me strength.

And so begins day 1...

You can always follow me on twitter hehehehe....

It's really boring on there though.:/

I Have the Best Brother Ever!

2009-07-23T01:17:00.004+01:00

I am surrounded by some amazing men. From the father who makes sure I never lack, the boyfriend who will do anything to make me smile, the uncles that keep their promises and the brothers that will kick butt for me any day... I'm a lucky girl. Yes they do drive me up the wall most of the time, but when they're good they're very very good.

What inspired this post tonight is my brother. He saw me looking sad and I told him I had sugar cravings, but there were no snacks in the house... so he baked me shortbread from scratch!

I'm sitting here with my glass of milk and the gorgeous shortbread with a smile on my face and I know that I just royally fucked my diet up, but I don't care, it's sooo good... melt in your mouth good.

Ladies, my bro is 6'2 of rugged handsomeness and he's single.... ok I lied, he has a girl. Sorry oh. Maybe next time.

Randomly, Boomerang is an awesome movie... why am I just watching it for the first time?

What Were They Thinking?

2009-07-21T02:22:00.007+01:00

Who the fuck decided that it was okay to blind me and then call it a trend?

I call for the neon trend to be banned, destroyed, abolished, massacred, killed... just get rid of it and then break the kneecaps of the instigator as a warning.

Anybody feeling me on this?

Lawd I'm tired...

Here's another reason why I love my mother... she's a shopaholic! Like me! The cool thing about that is that if I happen to get caught between her and a sales rack, I know some of the fallout is coming my way. Hehe... I will keep enabling her.

Right now we're fighting a will we, won't we, battle over the same pair of black sandals. They're beautiful... *sigh*

It's a sad sad day when a mother's fashion sense is better than her daughter's. While I live in my jeans and tshirts, she's working all the trends.

However, since the Baby (my afro) was born, my fashion sense has shifted drastically. I dress to match my hair's moods now. According to Addy, I dress like a big kid now lol.

Oh by the way, meet Jamie Alexandra (Alex for short), my new baby :) My sister and I were arguing over whether red is a male or female colour. I said girl, she said dude so I figured a sexually ambiguous name was in order... so Alex. I really wanted it in Lime green, but this was the last one they had.
She was moderately priced and her specs aren't bad. I wanted a Sony or a Toshiba, but I ended up with her... If she pisses me off I'll put her up for adoption. Her webcam sucks bigtime. I've been fiddling with the settings to try to get a better picture, but she's stubborn. Any Dell owners know how to fix this? Get at me...

This hairstyle I did caused quite a bit of controversy... that makes it a success in my book :) I have a video tutorial of it if anyone's interested.

It's late.

:/

I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane....

2009-07-19T15:00:00.002+01:00

Detox

2009-07-17T14:13:00.005+01:00

Detox, in my understandsing, is cleansing self of toxins and stuff like that. It can be applied in pretty much every aspect of one's life...

Even when it comes to friends. I don't think anyone needs to be told. Everybody has instincts, and when it comes to people, they rarely decieve you. For years, I kept people around me because... I don't actually know why. I don't like being around false people. And in keeping them around, I was being fake too.

People talk about burning bridges like it's a bad thing. What if the grass at the other end of the bridge is filled with snakes? You don't want them coming to your nice, tranquil side do you? Besides, if you're keeping people around just for perceived future benefits, doesn't that make you a user?

I know I'm not the greatest person in the world, but I'm okay with it. I fuck up a lot, but I'm okay with it. I won't change now... and I also won't bitch about you behind your back.

When I say I don't give a fuck what you think, I'm not saying it because I'm trying to be hard. I really don't give a fuck. If you're not a good friend of mine (I have exactly 4 of those) then it doesn't matter what you think of what I do, how I look, what I say...

Thinking this way is liberating. It gives you the freedom to be as mad as you wish, knowing that those that love you, will love you regardless of what you do (I can't love you if you rape children though).

I don't mind if you don't like me, it's okay. I won't dislike you for it. What I will dislike you for, is pretending. Life is just too fucking short.

Chaos/Order

2009-07-16T00:05:00.005+01:00

Chaos

Order

I hate clutter, but my room is tiny and sometimes it can't be helped. I bought the over the door hanger to help with storage, but I abused it. So today I fixed it.

I hung my large earrings on the top line of the hanger because they get all tangled up in my jewelry boxes. This way, it's easier to see what I have when picking an outfit. I put some of the smaller earrings on a mesh belt and hung the belt under my hoop earrings (belt not shown in final pic).

I knotted the scarves over a hanger... my neck scarves and pashminas were looped on the bottom and my headscarves were looped on the upper part of the hanger. The scarves I don't use often, were stored in my brother's closet (I don't have a closet). And I stored my bracelets and bangles in a cute little wicker basket.

Whew!

Now for the rest of my house...

23 Years Ago Today

2009-07-13T01:09:00.001+01:00

Not my best effort but ok for a spur of the moment thing. I should really have put more thought into this.

23 Years Ago Today…

23 Years ago today my love was born
If I knew then what I know now
I would have run to you sooner
If I knew how

23 years ago today, they declared
It's a boy!
The hearts of your mother and father
Overflowed with joy

23 years ago today my unformed life changed
See I was barely a hope in my mother's heart
I was yet to have dreams or wishes
But now of me you're a part

23 years ago today, I couldn't dream
But if I'd had eyes to close
I would have had dreams stuffed with you
My healthy overdose

23 years ago today, you took your first breath
Little black boy, you filled your lungs
Your ferocious wailing
In the sterile room had rung

Today, you're here
And my heart holds you dear

Happy birthday babe :)

I Seem to Have Lost My Smile

2009-07-12T21:01:00.004+01:00

I take a lot of pictures of myself to showcase hairstyles that I'm rocking for my other blog. I need to be the effervescent Miss Fizzy... but I don't know where my smile is.

I tried to fake it but it didn't work. The smiles just seem strained and plastic... scary.

So I tried to think happy thoughts.

Nope.

Then I thought of you.

Still nothing.

And then I thought of you....

Hmm...

Could I be... no that's ludicrous. Not you and definitely not me.

There's something my heart is not telling me, but I think it's malfunctioning.

Come home so we can fix it.

Boredom is Bad

2009-07-09T22:50:00.004+01:00

I get snap happy when I'm bored :(

Do You like the Koko...

2009-07-09T16:34:00.005+01:00

...mansion that is.

Any of you that read this blog will know that this was coming. I've actually been meaning to write this, but I've been busy with other things.

So the newest craze in Nigeria is a new reality TV show called Koko Mansion. At first, i thought it was a Flavor of Love kind of thing with D'Banj as the prize, but upon perusal of the info on the website, it turns out that I was wrong.

The show is more like Charm School than flavor of love, and to be honest, a lot of the girls on the show do need some etiquette training.

My favourite girl so far is Shona, partly because of her seriously fabulous hair and partly because she just seems like such a cool person. All the girls are beautiful, every single one. So don't hate.

I am seriously put off by the structure of the show. They just show random ten minute intervals or something, and the girls just seem to sit around eating and talking all the time. Also, the girls all talk at once and yell at each other so I have no idea what they're saying because the sound quality sucks. I'd prefer if they just put together daily highlights that show the best bits of each day. I've only caught a few clips on YouTube, but I just discovered they show it on Sky so maybe it's structured differently on TV?

I cringed a lot while watching the show, but I realised that it was just me being a horrible snob. These girls are being themselves 100% and are refusing to front just because cameras are on and I applaud them for being themselves. They haven't come on the show with airs and attitudes (which is more than I can say for some). That they don't have foreign accents or repress their personalities doesn't make them any less beautiful, intelligent or interesting than all the "been tos" and I hope that we can all watch with an open mind.

That being said, some of them need to shut the fuck up and sit down, namely Chioma and to some extent, Rita.

Chioma love, YOU CAN'T SING and I don't wanna parry with you. Sorry but you really can't sing. You're a beautiful girl though and I hope modelling works out for you.

Rita is stunning. Even with her close cropped hair, her features are striking. I mean have you seen her cheekbones? But please Rita, STFU about the pesnal pishurs you snapped on your date with D'banj.

The "mansion" that is being used for the show is really nice, although I'm sure I've seen it a naija movie before.

This clip is from one of the first airings. Right after D'banj and his posse leaves, Rita gives a detailed description of the date she was just on... Lawd I had laughter tears in my eyes.

I haven't watched the show in a while so I don't know how it's progressing. I guess I'm not obsessed yet.

If you can't get the show on TV, you can watch it on this dude's YouTube page. He uploads vids of the show regularly.

I think I'll keep watching. The vision behind the show is solid and it's only just starting so hopefully it will get better.

Dakore- Don't Make Me

2009-07-06T11:58:00.006+01:00

*Sigh*

Don't make me scream! Nigerian female artists are not bringing it, with the exception of a few like Asa, Sasha and Nayo.

Ok let's start with the good.

She looks really pretty. I'm a natural hair afficionado so I give her like a million points for having such beautiful well maintained dreads and her outfit choices are very good. Honey has a body that won't quit. Also her sound is different from all the other wannabe Rihanna's and Beyonce's that are littering the Naija entertainment industry.

She went out on a limb with this, but unfortunately she didn't quite nail it. Her voice doesn't flo with the kind of music she's chasing and the producers did a very very poor job. It just sounds so amateurishly done. The harmonies don't blend and it sounds shallow. To be honest I didn't listen to the song properly because the sound was jarring. It sounded like something I'd do at home on my computer with a mic over music coming out of my speakers.

I think she should stop singing, or ditch the sound producers and get better ones. Better yet, stick to acting.

My Favourite Kinky Chica...

2009-07-03T18:26:00.006+01:00

...and I'm not just talking about her hair...

I saw this pic of Z and I was kinda blown away. I don't know if it's the background or what she's wearing but this picture screams Haute to me. It's like a trip...

Z's awesomeness is quite awesome.

:)

I don't know who this chick is, but I want my fro to be this fabulous

A Heartfelt Plea- An Open Letter

2009-07-03T13:13:00.002+01:00

Cross posted at my other blog a few months ago.

Dear TV Producers,

This is a heartfelt plea to you all and I hope you listen. I beg and plead with you all to please STOP MAKING REALITY TV SHOWS!!! Can't you see that you are single-handedly responsible for the massive scale deaths of brain cells in America?

I know you didn't mean to, but you must realize that by unleashing characters like New York and Speidy on the world, you've released a wave of terror of such magnitude that the destruction it will cause is unimaginable. I know you have hearts, and that deep down, the money you've made from committing intellectual murder does not satisfy you anymore. I mean, who can spend blood money with a clear conscience?

Each night, the TV screen is littered with dead dignities, murdered shame and suicidal self-respect. Fathers weep, mothers curse and siblings hide under the covers as they watch their loved ones make complete fucking idiots of themselves. These loved ones share deep dark secrets with no one but the entire world and talk smack with cameras on. I do believe that at some point, these individuals had brains and common sense, but as soon as the cameras started running, they died horibble deaths.

Now reality tv shows are by no means victimless crimes (and each one is a crime. A crime I tell you!). The poor unarmed population is bombarded with wave after wave of mindless stupidity with very little in the way of defense. This neurotoxin slowly eats away the resistance of the population, till they become drooling zombies, trapped in front of the TV eagerly awaiting the commencement of shows like the hills, I love New York... (Oh the horror...) These zombies also try to infect normal humans, try to suck them into the depravity that is reality TV, but no more I tell you! No more!

And just when we think one addiction has been supressed (by the blessed cancellation/end of such shows) another more stupid and more menacing show pops up to take its place. It's like that mythical creature (name escapes me) that when one of its heads is cut off, two more take its place.
Flavor of love passed away, only to be replaced by I love New York, then Shot at love with Tila Tequila, then Rock of Love, then Real Chance at Love, then for the love of Ray J.... and the list goes on. Who in their right mind (and for free) would date these people for real (well Ray J's okay)? There's even a new one called the Cougar where young men compete for the love of a forty something year old. Are we gonna have a sugar daddy show soon (and how does one get on it)? And by the way, why don't we have a date my dad show? But I digress... er... where did I digress from? Oh yeah, at one point, there was a reality show about a principal's office. And of course, there's always America's next something or other. BET's hopped on the bandwagon with shows like Baldwin Hills and Harlem heights (I kinda wanna see that. Some of those brothers are fiiiiiiiine). Why BET, why?

And for all you celebrities, pray that you never end up on one of these shows (celebrity whatever) because the only celebrities that end up on reality shows are the ones whose careers are dead. Dead!!

So TV producers of America, do the right thing. Stop giving ill-mannered idiots the false belief that they are important and that we care what they do. I'd rather gorge myself on Family Guy. And to the reality TV addicts out there, go read a book. Playboy does not count as acceptable mind-enriching literature, but to each his/her own.

Sincerely,
A Recovering Reality TV addict

PS

If you can do something about those stupid and obviously fake infomercials ( I lost 50lbs with hydroxyfatbuster! etc) it'd be much appreciated.

PPS

Make Heroes good again. It kinda sucks right now.

Peace!

Namata- Treasure In You

2009-07-02T21:43:00.006+01:00

I've been hearing about this Namata dude and this particular song and I decided to check it out. I was thinking it can't be as bad as they say it is. Right?

Wrong!

Horrendously and disastrously wrong!

For those of you that haven't seen the video yet, I'm embedding it here, but watch at your own risk. SMH.

I was speechless for a whole minute. And I'm never quiet. I didn't even know what to say... where to start. It was so bad that using proper English to describe it would have been too insulting to the language. As in de guy no try at alllll.... the singing is atrocious, he dances like a cadaver with rigor mortis and he just looks... bad. I find cornrows on a dude sexy, but nna biko... cut your hair eh?

And what is with all the eastern European women in the video? They're fine... I agree, but where are the black women? They probably weren't willing to be associated with such.

I had to find out if the guy was real and I went on google and found his Myspace page.

Some good came out of my search though... It turns out he's from Cameroon. At least I think he is... Oh God please let him be from Cameroon. I come from too proud and too amazing a country to be lumped with the likes of the uber talented Namata.

Did I mention that he looks like the lovechild of Flavor Flave and Smeegol? (Oh Lawd I feel so mean for writing that...)

I read his bio on Myspace and I couldn't stop laughing. Africans definitely like to big themselves up oh:

Namata is a talented and prolific song-writer, and singer. He has a natural and creative talent, amongst which song-writing and making music stand out... He has a new style, kick, attitude, fine stage presence and outburst. His fan-base is growing with every show, and potential fans can't wait for the release of his songs. Namata's fans are curious for the release of "Treasure in you" in the summer, saying "it sounds like a summer hit."(are you fucking shitting me? Ok they might have a point cos I can't stop listening to it. I keep replaying it thinking, "it can't be that bad" but it always is...)...Namata performed in a talent show called ‘Cultural night’ at IPC in Denmark (So?) Namata is bringing new waves into today's music. His music style is new and original. It is diverse and marketable. His talent is prolific. He is a true Pop, Pop/Dance, Pop/Rock, Hip-hop and R&B talent. With a creative and artistic inspiration, Namata's songs will set a new wave in music. Although his music is very new and original, his music style still echoes within the marketable or commercial music genres in the music industry today. In Namata's own words: "we need new music, new styles, new vibes, new blend, new scene and new entertainment."... Most artists today sound almost the same with very little variety to entertain their audience or music consumers – that is why we need a new music - we need a new wave in music (we do... but there's no need to kill us first)...Namata is also a dancer-choreographer (WHAT????). As a hip-hop dance instructor at Skive music school in Denmark, he directed and choreographed a show and also thrilled a curious audience with "out-of-control" solo and "4-man" dance show...He also co-choreographed and directed "Treasure in you" music video(No shit?)

Those are the best bits.

Now I have to say something positive. Maybe he'd be better singing in his own native tongue? He's good at video visuals though. The set and the photography were nice, even though the colours were a bit jarring. It's all good though, at least he made an effort. I know a lot of people with genuine talent that don't do jack shit about it.

I need all my talented people to get up, get out and get something! Fill up our eyes, ears and hearts so that there will be no room for the likes of... him...

If you think my review is harsh, this is nothing. I read online reviews of him where people wished for his death. Nigerians are assuming he's Nigerian and they're not cool with it at allll. The guy had better keep his ashy butt in Denmark because I know there are people waiting to deliver some vigilante justice (tyres. petrol etc...) in Naij.

In the end he tried... but Namata, don't quit your day job.

x

Blahhhhhh....

2009-07-01T01:30:00.005+01:00

*Sigh*

Any post that starts with a sigh can't be good.

He didn't go for UCD.

At first I was pissed.
Then I settled into quiet disappointment.

After a while, I began to rationalize. I realized that going away to a different country could be a good thing. So now I'm actually excited. I get to visit a place I've never been to, meet new people, create a new life and persona if I want to... but I love me so the persona will stay chaotically orderly.

So I started to feel happier about it.

Not estatic or anything, my reason is still here, but not in a blind rage. Which is really good.
So here I come Scotland! Lock up ye laddies cos y'all ain't gonna know what hit y'all.

So I spoke to the reason... and we'll work it out somehow.

It better be fun.

Hmpf.

Good night... x

Future Alma Mater...?

2009-06-28T00:08:00.001+01:00

So yesterday I got the awesome news that I got into an MSc program at University College Dublin in Ireland. Woohoo!! Yeah! Whoop whoop... etc.

But last year, I also got into an MSc program at the University of Aberdeen in Scotland... (cue slightly less enthusiastic whooping).

Now they're both good schools with a lot to offer... but I do have a very definite preference. A year ago, I was absolutely sure that Aberdeen was the place for me since it was far enough from home to ensure that my life would be devoid of parental interference (not very, they'll find a way). However, some things changed recently that made me reassess my situation and apply to colleges in Ireland. Well one college. I was fortunate enough to get in and I'm super excited.

My dad is rooting for Aberdeen as it is significantly less costly than UCD, but my mum is rooting for UCD since it's close to her. I'm rooting for UCD for my own reasons. But my dad is paying so I guess what I want is moot. I'm hoping to convince daddy dearest on the basis of statistics and facts.

Here's a mini breakdown of both colleges.

University of Aberdeen
(Culled from the university's website)
The university opened with 36 staff and students and, in 1497, boasted the first chair of medicine in the English-speaking world. Founded in 1495 by William Elphinstone, Bishop of Aberdeen and Chancellor of Scotland, The University of Aberdeen is Scotland's third oldest and the UK's fifth oldest University.
Stats
UK Ranking: 33
European Ranking: 60
World Ranking: 153

University College Dublin
(Culled from Wikipedia)

University College Dublin (UCD) (Irish: An Coláiste Ollscoile, Baile Átha Cliath) - formally known as University College Dublin - National University of Ireland, Dublin (Irish: An Coláiste Ollscoile, Baile Átha Cliath - Ollscoil na hÉireann, Baile Átha Cliath) is Ireland's largest university, with over 1,300 faculty and 17,000 students. It is located in Dublin, capital of Ireland.

Descended from the body founded in 1854 as the Catholic University of Ireland with John Henry Newman as the first rector, re-formed in 1880 and chartered in its own right in 1908, today the university is a constituent university of the National University of Ireland. The Universities Act, 1997 renamed the university as National University of Ireland, Dublin, and a Ministerial Order of 1998 renamed the university as University College Dublin - National University of Ireland, Dublin.^[2]

Originally located in Dublin city centre, most of the university's faculties have since been relocated to a 148 hectares (365 acre) park campus at Belfield, four kilometres to the south of the centre of Dublin city.

Stats

Irish Ranking: 2
European Ranking: 39
World Ranking: 108

Financial Times MBA Ranking 99th globally, 1st in Ireland

I'm too tired to expound on this subject further, but you be the judge. But I'm looking very firmly at UCD. I'm looking and I'm liking. Even if I didn't have my selfish reasons for going there, I'd still pick UCD because statistically it is the better school. Even the world agrees with me.

But isn't my education one place where quality shouldn't be skimped on for the sake of cost (cars too for that matter)?

Won't you agree with me too Daddy?

:)

Yumeeee- A Boring Saturday Afternoon in Pictures

2009-06-27T17:48:00.001+01:00

It's saturday afternoon and it's a beautiful day. I'm hanging out with my sister all day and she's been complaining of boredom. I'm feeling kinda lethargic so I don't wanna do anything that involves leaving the house. So we hung out in the back garden for a bit and then we decided to make cookies and smoothies.
I let her drop the cookies on the sheet while I made the smoothie
It was all good until she spilled all the smoothie I made...
So I banished her to the living room and finished making the cookies.
She went off to play so I ate all the cookies myself...
J/k
Love her... x