I likes this!

Yes I know I said "likes". There is something raw and animalistic about this man that speaks to the primal woman within me. I think it's the dreadlocks *raaawwwrrrr*

By the way I changed the video, it's the same song but I think this is way better. My gosh me wan get a big booty too...

I love...

I miss Z!

and C and M

...and B...

Eyecandy hehehehe

My twin and I... I'm older by 8 years

Tyra ain't got nothing on this fierceness!!

She is my delicious lil muffin.

The Scariest Test I've Ever Taken

This was one of those tests where no amount of cramming could help you pass

Where knowledge of your history could be a defining factor

Where you'd stay up late at night stressing over the results

But when this film plays out you're really an extra actor

You might pace and pant and hope for a good grade

But in this case you want a '-' and not an 'A'

And the scariest of all is if you get that plus

The shock could be like getting hit by a bus

So in those moments where you wait and hope for the best

You sweat and you fret and ask the tester yet

Again if all is ready, if all is fine

But he just calms you down time after time

You flashback to your former life, to reckless days

To moments of passion and "just stick it in"

Or "I'll pull out" because it'll never happen to you

But in this moment you know your life's grip is thin

The tester returns, envelope in hand

Expressionless face, eyes totally bland

He hands you the envelope without a word

Says "come into my office son"

You die a thousand deaths as your mind jumps

Sprints, polevaults to the worst conclusion

But in his office he turns to you and beams

And your fear is replaced with confusion

"Son, you did so badly yet I'm happy for you

In every subject you scored a minus too"

You jump for joy at the success in your failure

All those vows you made you at once renew:

"I will always practice safe sex!" you proclaim

You encourage your brothers and friends to do the same

Now that you know where you stand on that disesase so detested

Your mind is calm and your heart is rested.

Knowing is nice my people, so please get tested.

Seriously folks, get tested. Don't think that what you don't know can't hurt you, it can. It feels so good and so freeing to know. Practice safe sex at all times unless you're certain of your partners' history. Don't think it can't happen to you or that you're invincible, also don't feel insulted if a sexual partner asks to see test results. They don't think you're dirty, they just value their lives and yours.

I'm directing this to my guy friends specifically: you are not invincible!!! Use condoms!!! Get tested!!! Remember, AIDS no dey show for face oh!!

It is a pretty scary test, I won't lie. In the UK, you have to wait for two weeks as opposed to 20 minutes to two hours in the US.

On the flip side, I will do a post on not ostracising people with HIV or AIDS and the difference between the two.

Randomly, I watched that Ghanaian movie, Heart of Men and it was not what it was made out to be!!! The storyline was convoluted and the sex scenes were very unnecessary. They didn't help the movie in anyway. Even while viewing the trailer, I couldn't see the connection between the sex and the rest of the movie*Mschhhhhhhheeeewwww*

I Got My First Angry Comment Today!

Exciting isn't it? Here we go:

This is a comment on this post.

Shut up and listen to your parents. Stop acting like a 16 yold teenager. I promise you one thing, U might never know happiness until you sit down and think and think and think so deep,deeply deep and realize that you need help. Maybe if u stopped acting like a 16 yo, ur parents might have confidence in what you say and maybe let u drive to the pharmacy, because they way act, I wud think u would leave the car at the store and walk home forgetting u drove to the pharmacy. Y dont u go get so huge headphone and alot o chewing gum so we would know you ve gone crazy.

Ok.

Before I go into analysis mode, I've always wondered about something. Why do people write in text talk? I get that it is easy, but it can also be very detrimental when it comes to formal writing. I had to kick that habit when I realised that I was having to use spellcheck too often in my school assignments. It's handy for texting and for Twitter, but when you are commenting on a blog, or indeed writing a blog, you have unlimited space to spew your venom as you please. Writing it in proper English makes it much easier to take you seriously. I'm just saying.

Now I know that putting my thoughts out in public leaves me open to all kinds of feedback and I do appreciate all the positivity and negativity that comes my way. I asked for it.

However...

Upon analysis of this comment, I came to a few conlusions:

1. This person knows me and has a personal vendetta against me (note the unwarranted anger) and he/she said "the way you act" implying that he/she knows me.

2. I'm familiar with the writing styles of my friends and acquaintances. Most of them write and speak English very well. This narrows the field of play quite a bit. Down to one person actually.

3. Note the grammar and warped/childish logic (what do headphones and chewing gum have to do with being crazy?) Refer to my previous post in which I mentioned a post that I intended to write, but won't anymore.

4. The writer of this comment should not be ridiculed, but pitied. He/she can't help the way they are.

5. The writer of the comment is very likely the same person that sent me this email:

By the way, I made up my mind on something. I have decided that I am going to marry u come what may, lol. I ve decided that once I graduate, I dey carry palmwine, bring my granpa, pupsy and all of them to ur crib. Lol. So keep running away from me. It is a hopeless situation, there is a chick am sure I wanna spend the rest of my life with, but she is pissed at me and is so unforgiving. I can’t stop thinking about u even though u are so far away. Initially when u insisted on going back home, I was sad but I was hoping I would get detached with the distance, but instead the distance has kept u ever close to me. Brought you so much closer. Your presence intensifies as the day passes by. You keep coming up in my conversations. If what I feel is not love, I have no idea what is. So I decided, am not going to let go. Thank God, I became a US citizen so I can easily fly to Ireland to find you…

and this one:

I have to tell u a habit or an MO of mine. I recently discovered that whenever am at odds with somebody that I profoundly care about I get all feisty and starting a fight with them. The ones that know me very well recognize that am not exactly fighting them but that its how badly I miss them that makes act that way. I don’t think am ever going to stop loving you. I and my friends took a road trip yesterday and we were arguing about the kinda girl we like and I told them how my ideal chick is [Fizz]. I think about u all the time, I miss the hell out of you. I don’t wanna be close to u half and half. If you were here I would kneel on one knee and ask u to marry me, just that we wud have to roll up a piece of paper to make the ring. Trust me, if u were mine, all these things wud be different we wud never fight for a day. All the time I pick a fight with u is cos I really do miss u. You make me feel the way no one else does. Like Mariah carey said, “If its wrong to love you, then my heart would never let me be right”

Let's not forget this one:

Chick, I was on your blog today and your tweet from 50 days ago caught my eye. It made me feel very insulted. For some reason I am making a big deal out of it. And no matter how strong my admiration for u is, insults like that on such a medium as twitter, can be sufficiently felt. It is natural occurrence for people to take people that “stalk” them the way I stalk u for granted, but then I cud careless. The fact is u feel so insecure around me-that’s happens to be the truth and I was going to stoop low for the sport of it, but then I might have done that enough already. If it was about a year, I would say a big “fuck you” to u, but am a professional now, so I would omit that.

Again, note the grammar.

6. There there now... unrequited love is a bitch.

7. I expect to get some incensed backlash from the commenter and it's ok because

8. I couldn't care less. Oh and mail filters are a great invention.

Personal Triumph of the Day and Pics

I had a funny morning. I woke up with a pounding headache and tried to decide if I wanted to go to class or not, at first I thought, nah... I'll lie here till I feel better. I changed my mind exactly 45 minutes before my class was due to start and managed to shower, dress, and get to class early in under half an hour (My class buildings are 20-30 minutes away). Yes. I am superwoman.

There was an event that could have hindered my success however.

So I jumped out of bed, raced to the shower and brushed my teeth and showered in ten minutes. I'd left my key in my room, but left the door open so I thought I was okay. So after my shower, I sauntered back to my room, only to find that my door was locked. Yup. I was standing there in a very short towel, dripping wet, with ten minutes to get ready for class.

So I dialled the porters:

Fizz: Good morning. I got locked out of my room. Could you please come let me in?

Porter: You're going to have to come to the porters desk

Fizz: BUT I'M IN A TOWEL!

Going to the porter's desk involves walking across the residence campus i.e. out in the open. Did I mention that it was also pouring rain and like 5 degrees outside?

Porter: Ok we'll send someone up right away.

5 minutes later, I was in my room feverishly thanking the porter, trying to hide my modesty, and trying to get rid of him so I could get ready. I got ready in 8 minutes flat and flew out of my room and made the bus and I still look good. *snaps and cheers and hairflips* My headache disappeared and I knew it was going to be a good day. Praise Jesus! Also, the sun just came out :)

I also got inspiration for my next post "How to Handle Mentally Retarded

Unbalanced People (You can spot them by their grammar and the fact that they won't leave you alone even after you've told them as politely as possible to leave you alone)". Fabu-lola, Qube, Scribble me free and a few others know what I am alluding to. The lovely Z will be contributing to this post so look forward to it.

I have a test today and I have studied my tushie off for it. I feel optimistic but wish me luck anyway.

Had my first class rep meeting yesterday... I hope I made a difference.

So here are pics from Halloween and a random night out. None of me in a towel I'm afraid.

Those boots were killing my feet. Bayore was kind enough to give me a lift.
I was a pirate (awesome!). Kay was a dude in a mask. Bayore was a dude wearing a black shirt and an eyepatch (lame!)

I think we were singing "ain't no mountain high enough..."
The obligatory "Yahoozee" shot.
Peep my gorgeous blue platform Mary Janes. Too bad they were ruined by the end of the night. They're allowed to take drinks on the dancefloor here. Great for the partyers, bad for my poor shoes :(

Update:

Bayore made me promise not to write the Unbalanced People post. He said "two people can't be mad at the same time." He's not lying though. Being a finance student leaves no room for insanity. He didn't make Z promise though hehehehe.

My Take on Relationships

I used to avoid relationships with the same fervour that women with relaxed hair avoid water. I don't really know when my mindset changed and I became one of the "us" crew but there are times when I think back to my single days and I wonder if I had the better deal then. (Hunk, I know you're going to read this. Please don't take it the wrong way. I like being your girlfriend).

I avoided being committed for several reasons, most of which make sense, and some of which don't make sense. Recently, a lot of these reasons have popped up in my current relationship, and although we weather through the issues, the aftermath always leaves me shaken.

See I haven't been very lucky in love. I've been in some terrible situations and it has taken a while for me to understand that the Hunk is not running anywhere anytime soon. Every time we have a disagreement, I expect him to tell me that it's over. I find it hard to believe that he can be mad at me and still love me. I keep thinking that I've broken us, but somehow, he pulls us seamlessly back on track, and I'm left feeling grateful, if a little confused. It's like, why is he still with me? I can't be easy to be with. I've told him things about me and my past that make me cringe and I always steel myself to hear goodbye but he just says "is that what you were afraid to tell me?" and we move on.

There are times (99% of the time) when I can't imagine being without him, and there are times when I feel like I have to watch every single fucking thing I say or do so as not to wreck the delicate balance we have. Those times exhaust me and those are the times I want to run screaming.

Even with all this, I do believe I've got my issues under control. I'm in what is probably my longest relationship to date and I don't want to stop being "us" anytime soon (maybe ever).

That being said, I don't believe in fairytale, perfect love. Nope. I'd hate to have that kind of love to be honest. What I believe in is that people are flawed and prone to mistakes. I believe that people outgrow each other. I believe that people change and become incompatible. I also believe that no one knows what the future holds in any relationship, not even the people involved. I don't sit and fantasize about getting married to my boyfriend because I don't know if we will. I know people date with marriage being the ultimate goal, but I date because I like the person I'm with and want to be with them. I'm not thinking in terms of forever, but in terms of "right now, this works". It might work forever or it might crash and burn in a few months. Who knows? I'm just not a romantic. I treat love with the same practicality as I treat most other things in my life. I wasn't always this way, but life taught me a few lessons.

Now the reason why I avoided relationships prior to being with the Hunk seem a bit silly now, but there are times when they pop up as valid issues in our relationship. I didn't want a relationship because I didn't want to have to answer to anybody. I wanted to be able to do things and make decisions without worrying about how it will affect my other. Things as simple as taking a picture with a member of the opposite sex could be a cause for an argument or jealousy... who wants that? I didn't want to open up and share myself with anyone. I'm really selfish when it comes to my heart, and it is a painful, difficult process for me to part with it. I've done it once or twice before and each time I've had to pick the splinters of my heart off the floor and build them back into a whole. I lost a few pieces here and there. I'm afraid that if it happens again, I won't have enough pieces left for a decent heart.

I hate having to explain myself or change because somebody wants me to. My usual attitude is if you don't like me the way I am, then keep it moving toots. I hang out with guys more than with girls and to me it's perfectly innocent, but to boyfriends, my guy friends are just hyenas waiting to prey on po' helpless lil old me who doesn't have a say in who she's with *flutters eyelashes*. Even if the guys happen to be crushing on me, or go so far as to make a move, isn't it enough to know that I have free will and will always set them straight? Because they want me doesn't mean they can have me. I cherish my friendships and I keep my friends close (fuck the enemies, don't want that negative energy around me). I don't want to have to end friendships because the boyfriend might feel threatened or might not approve. Isn't it enough to know that the only one I'm checking for is you?

Flipping this on me, I didn't want to be a girlfriend because I hate being jealous. I've always boasted that I'm not the jealous type, but apparently it's a lie. Sometimes it's hard to just trust when things seem shady, but if I love you, I have to trust you. I hate the way things change though. When you're friends it's all good. It doesn't matter if he doesn't call, if he smiles at other girls etc. Heck, I'd be busy smiling at other guys too. In relationships however, little things like him dissing your hair could cause a full scale fight, whereas in the beginning, you would have giggled and dissed him back. Well I would have anyway. I just did not want to be that girl. I know this is not everybody's experience, but when I love someone, I start to act... different. Listen to Halfcrazy by Musiq if you don't know what I'm talking about. I don't want to be upset about a picture I saw, a comment on your wall, not getting a call when I was told I would, not seeing you, girls hitting on you, you being upset with me amongst other things.

There were other reasons why I avoided relationships but I've grown past them. I've also learnt that a good man will always let me be myself. He will accept me, flaws, ego, zits and all and not just tolerate me.

The Hunk and I work pretty well because we're both very ambitious. We get what we want but we get it using different approaches. I tend to bulldoze in and go for what I want, working on different projects at a time and stressing over every detail, while he's more laidback and easygoing and more likely to use charm. I have a tendency to get too serious and I'm always ten steps ahead of myself. He's taught me to live in the moment and I in turn have rubbed off on him in terms of focus. We get along really well actually because we don't try to change each other and when we do have problems, they're more than likely related to the fact that there is some physical distance between us. He is more of a romantic than I am and I love that about him, even as I keep my mushy side firmly in check. We're almost polar opposites, but it works.

Basically the Hunk is a good person. He always brings out the good side of me. He makes me laugh, he makes me think, he makes me open up, he makes me mad, he makes me swoony, he makes me violent, he makes me peaceful, he makes me happy. He distracts me, keeps me focused, amuses me, annoys me, teases me, loves me. If I have to go without talking to him or if we have a fight, I can't sleep till we're okay again. Even if it takes days... guess I'll be getting no sleep.

I only hope I have half the effect on him that he has on me.

Some Girls Are Nasty!

And not in the good video girl kind of way (I do not condone slutty video girl behaviour).

I live in a flat with 5 other girls and for the most part we get along well. Probably because we don't see each other a lot, which works for me. We're all postgrads so we have busy schedules and stuff. We have our own bedrooms, but we share the kitchen and bathroom. It works out a bit, except for minor issues with two girls trying to take up all the space in the kitchen meant for six. We all like to cook so we had to find a way to work it out. Also, some girls don't clean up after themselves properly etc etc... the usual flatmate bullshit.

Like all the above wasn't irritating enough, last night was just the height! At about 1.30 am, I went to wash my face and on getting to the bathroom, what did I see? Please guess.

Give up?

It was a rolled-up used sanitary pad. It was sitting all jaunty and non-chalant by the sink and it was TOUCHING MY FACE WASH!! *wall slide*

It was 1.30 in the morning and I wonder, would I have been wrong for banging on doors and asking whoever the nasty is to remove their crap from there? So far I've been quiet and nice about everything, but I need to make sure that crap like that never happens again.

I will fix this somehow.

*Shudders at the nastiness*