Yes oh, you definitely read right. One thing that struck me about Lagos is the dearth of single men about. They're either in a relationship, engaged or married. In fact I'm so used to it now that if I meet an eligible single guy, I automatically assume there is something wrong with him which is why he is single… though he'll definitely be in a relationship before I can blink.
Now in the place I work, there are so many beautiful single women who are passing or have passed their "sell by date." There are many schools of thought as to why these women are still single: they have bad attitudes, they make too much money, they're too assertive etc. On the flip side, almost all the men are married by the time they are 32, even with the aforementioned characteristics. It doesn't matter what they look like or what kind of personality they have, they will find a wife with relative ease. It's like a lot of women will take whatever they can get as long as it means they will be Mrs Whatever… but that's a (one-sided) discussion for another day.
Based on the experiences I've had since I moved back, I truly believe that the men in Lagos, have absolutely no regard for marriage. The ease with which they cheat, openly and without fear, astounds me. Even the women here justify and enable their actions. It's an appalling situation. *side eye, smh, facepalm etc*
I'd say 80% of the guys that have hit on me since I've been back have been married or on the verge of getting married. They tell me how much they love their wives/girlfriends and then ask me out in the same breath. It's not just men who have been married for years that are guilty of this. Newly weds (I'm talking got married an hour ago kinda new) and about to weds are hunting. They are hunting! Why is it that they are not satisfied with just one woman? This town ohhhhh…
One also has to remember that if these men cheat, they will lie (though most are open about their marital status), so checking for a ring or asking if they are married may not always cover you. It is important to tread very carefully.
I believe that this situation is caused by the fact that Nigerians are always in a hurry. To drive, to give opinions, to take advantage, to get married. Everything na hurry hurry gra gra… Because they want to be big boys (let's face it, having a wife for a lot of men is a status thing more than a love thing or due to familial pressure) they rush into marriage with women they don't particularly like. They're also still quite emotionally immature when they take the plunge… but I'm not a psychologist so don't quote me on that.
I'm sick of it. Of being hit on by men who have promised to love and obey. Who have pledged fidelity to their partners, who have promised honesty and dedication… KMFT. All you girls that get swept up in affairs with married men and are dazzled by the gifts and attention they lavish on you, remember that divorce is still a fairly rare occurrence in Nigeria and it is highly unlikely that he will leave his wife for you. Even if he does, you can expect him to cheat on you too.
After the experiences I've had (some of which I will blog about in another post), I'm starting to feel like maybe not getting married is not the end of the world. I don't want to be one of those women who settles because she's getting old or because of societal pressure. Wouldn't it be better to be alone than to be unhappy in a loveless marriage with 5 kids?